Madison, NC – Friday night, Rockingham County sheriff’s deputies were called to the home shared by William Holden Ellis, 19, Kathy Owens Robinson, 41, and their 11-month-old child.  (Yeah, I caught that, too. Robinson is old enough to be Ellis’s mother. At least he’s legal.)

The call came after Ellis assaulted and threatened to kill Robinson.  As Robinson told police, Ellis became upset–over what, we do not know–and hit her. He strangled her. He also bit her numerous times on her hand, back, and chest. He then put a .22-caliber pistol to her head, said he was going to kill her, and pulled the trigger.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say the pistol was not loaded, as there are no reports of Robinson walking around displaying brain matter. At some point during Ellis’s attack on Robinson, the baby sustained a bruise on one arm. Robinson managed to calm Ellis and escape the house, after which she called for help.

By my reckoning, the cops in Rockingham County don’t play around. They don’t merely “charge” someone. And they don’t just “throw the book” at a criminal, either. Instead, they roll that fucking book into a cylinder and shove it so far up his ass that a careful reader can decipher criminal code in the whites of his eyes. Check it: Ellis is being charged with (1) first-degree kidnapping, (2) assault by strangulation, (3) assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill, (4) assault by pointing a gun, (5) assault on a child, (6) inflicting serious injury with minor present, (7) false imprisonment, (8) simple assault, (9) communicating threats, (10) consuming beer or wine underage, (11) possession of paraphernalia, and (12) possession of a weapon of mass destruction.

Wait, what?

Yeah, that was my response. “‘Possession of a weapon of mass destruction’? He, what, had an atomic bomb seeded with Ebola hidden in a passenger jet in his back yard?”

Thank you, Billy-Boy, for precipitating my foray into the minutiae surrounding the definition of “weapons of mass destruction.” For the most part, “WMD” refers to nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons capable of destroying a large number of people. (Over in the forums, Kitty suggested the WMD is Ellis’s face.) My research left me still scratching my head and thinking maybe the Rockingham County guys were reaching a little on this one. One news report describes an interaction between Ellis and Robinson’s boss, who gave Robinson a ride home after work. Once they arrived there, Ellis showed a sawed-off shotgun, barricaded the door, and wouldn’t let the boss leave. (At some point, Ellis became “distracted,” allowing the man to escape.) Can a sawed-off shotgun be seen as a WMD?

Whatever the case may be, you can take off your gas mask and get the kids out of the bomb shelter, and Robinson and her baby can rest easy for the moment–Ellis is being held on $155,000 bond.

Methamphetamine can be considered a weapon of mass destruction in some states, because of the toxic fumes. My guess is that is what the charge is actually about…possession of meth. – Morbid

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