This article written and submitted by Dakota Valkyrie - thanks!
Pre-Taser newlyweds Andy Somora and Anna Pastuszwska
Lakeside, MI - Everyone knows how much planning goes into a typical wedding. One thing Andy Somora and Anna Pastuszwska probably didn’t include in their planning was a wedding night in separate holding cells after being shocked by tasers. They more than likely didn’t have the officers from 14 different police departments on the guest list either.
Rain on your wedding day is supposed to be good luck. And as luck would have it, it rained as over 100 guests huddled under umbrellas to watch Anna and Andy exchange vows in an outdoor ceremony. The lucky couple and guests then went to a local art gallery where the reception was to be held.
This is where the “luck” part of “rain on your wedding day” ran out. In what has been called an “alcohol feuled melee”, things started to get a little crazy. It came to a head when a guest tossed a metal lamp into a plate glass window. The gallery owner decided things had gone far enough. He did what he could and as a last resort called the local police… all one of them.
When the lone officer on duty that night arrived, the reception guests were told they had two options - leave immediately or face the possibility of being arrested. Many left but the remaining crowd became upset and more officers were called to the scene. Some guests began swearing at police and a few tried to engage the officers physically.
Understandably upset, the groom yelled a few choice words to the cops including that it was his wedding and they were making his wife cry. Guests attempted to hold back the angry groom and keep him from further mouthing off to the officers. They weren’t successful.
Officers doing what officers do when the peace has been broken, attempted to arrest the angry groom. Brides doing what brides do when their groom is being wrangled, rushed to his aid. Both were put to the ground and Andy was tasered. Because Anna was holding her new husband tight, she was shocked as well.
All in all, 14 police departments were at the art gallery to handle the crowd. The groom’s father, uncle, aunt and cousin also got arrested. The couple spent their wedding night with strangers in separate holding cells about 50 feet apart.
An experience to remember that Andy and Anna must have forgot. Two nights later they were again arrested - and again shocked by a taser - after a struggle with officers after they were called to investigate a 1 a.m. noise complaint at the home where the couple was staying. When the police arrived they heard glass breaking inside, and even saw Andy attack his new bride. Taser, Arrest, Repeat.
There go the cash gifts. The bride pleaded guilty and was fined $600. And so much for the honeymoon as the groom was hit with charges of resisting and obstructing police, a felony, and with disturbing the peace. He pleaded guilty and could face jail time when sentenced Sept. 15. Members of the groom’s family pleaded guilty and were each fined $450. One person was ordered to pay $75 for the broken lamp. No word if the gallery owner will continue to host receptions.
The happy couple, Post-Taser
27 responses so far ↓
1
claddaghgirl
Aug 19, 2008 at 7:41 am -Ha Ha Ha Ha…oh,man. Sorry just wiping a laugh tear from my eye.
Love it. The groom got mad cause the cops were making his bride cry. The rest of the guests were crying with laughter. You always, always know the family members that are going to cause trouble. Simple thing to do is not invite them. BUT in this case from the looks of the two of them they would have caused trouble themselves.
Bummer, they never got to the the “eating the garter off the bride stage”.
2
Kathy
Aug 19, 2008 at 8:15 am -What?
Sounds like a normal family gathering in my family. Seriously, I hired security for my wedding reception. Two off duty police officers.
And we only had one person go to jail. It was a relatively calm night.
My family is the shiznit.
3
Peeperann
Aug 19, 2008 at 8:42 am -Holy Crow, that’s funny! Great way to start out your marriage guys!
Hopefully we won’t see them again in a few years after they have kids……
4
2 boys mom in NC
Aug 19, 2008 at 8:49 am -What a wedding portrait!
5
claddaghgirl
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:05 am -Is it just me or is this a bit-Mrs Robinson-Toy Boy kinda thing? And whats with the lei?
6
WryBread
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:18 am -I think a reality show producer would be very smart to get these two on contract. Can you imagine this “Newlyweds” reality series? The opening credits as we see a montage: Smiling with a lei. Drinking champagne. Cake in the face — so funny! Oops! On an officer’s back! On the floor - taser entering frame! Mug Shots.” Music begins: “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree!” Voiceover: “They tied the knot! On their wedding night they wore orange jumpsuits! Love Birds - Jail Birds - It’s life with the newlywed Somoras!”
7
claddaghgirl
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:33 am -I think that is a great idea. Couldn’t be any worse than Newlyweds: Jessica and Nick.
I think I’ll become a wedding planner. Basically make sure that there are lots of breakables, taser-friendly guests that have the right skin tone to wear orange. Might have to see about an orange two-piece jumpsuit, though, not everyone can wear a one-piece. Previous mug-shots are a bonus!
8
WryBread
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:51 am -Claddagh — It’s so exciting to see someone find their life’s work. I can feel the passion in your post! May I make a suggestion? You could have two packages — the first just as you describe, the law-enforcement friendly package designed to facilitate fun at the wedding — and the second an “Exit Gracefully” package, which supplies individually fitted prison jumpsuits so everyone looks their best, “glamour portrait” mugshots to supply to the police after the arrest, and wedding favors with the phone number of “wedding law firm” so guests won’t be at a loss when given that all-imporant one telephone call. Oh! And handcuffs with the bride and groom’s name and the date engraved on them. That way, if some guests miss getting arrested, they can cuff themselves and pretend later at home.
9
LeeMouse
Aug 19, 2008 at 9:55 am -Sounds like my family, too. The reception ain’t over until two little old men get drunk and remember that, oh yeah…they have a feud dating back 50 years…and the wizened fists start flying.
And Claddaghgirl, I’m sure someone ate the garter off the bride’s leg in the jail that night…it just wasn’t the groom.
10
claddaghgirl
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:03 am -Oh yeah…and how about an “Escape Package” - - In the cake a nail file, pick axe and of course the bed sheet to tie together to climb out the window. Then a “Get Out of Jail Free” card disguised as a table seating plan. The only thing I’m stuck on is the conjugal visits. And should the mug shots be taken before or after the cake eating?
Wow this is way off the subject!
11
claddaghgirl
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:04 am -Eww…it was probably one of the other guests!
12
WryBread
Aug 19, 2008 at 10:53 am -This is so exciting that I might have to find a man and get married! I like the cake charms idea! Include a dime for your one phone call and a tiny police car. Set up a fake alibi for all the guests — “I was with the wedding planner fifty miles away!” I think the portraits have to be before the cake because lots of cake smashed on the face would obscure the happy couple’s features. Police get picky about that sort of stuff.
And don’t forget small orange jumpsuits for the flower girl’s and ring bearer’s trip to juvie.
13
Dakota Valkyrie
Aug 19, 2008 at 11:00 am -Where the hell were all of you with these great ideas when i was planning my daughters July 5th wedding? It was a military wedding with sabres and all… you guys could have been a big help. Live and learn. Too bad I am fresh out of daughters.
We had security (venue requirement) but they had nothing to do. Hope they were bored but the rest of us weren’t. No one got tasered. We must be a bunch of fuddy duddies.
14
tray-bay-bay
Aug 19, 2008 at 12:01 pm -This just makes me excited about planning weddings for my girls! I have THREE. Can’t wait! Oh yeah, I want to reserve Claddaghgirl as the planner right now.
15
amber29
Aug 19, 2008 at 12:13 pm -Lmao! That is hilarious. Sounds like a great wedding! The post taser pic is great.
16
captainhowdy
Aug 19, 2008 at 12:20 pm -shoot, that’s nothin’ as far as white trash wedding receptions go. my best friend from high school got married at 18, and at the reception, she and several other girls jumped some other girls for crashing the party and stealing toilet paper from the reception hall (which was actually the club house of their apartment building). yes. toilet paper. if only i were joking.
(ps. for the record, i was NOT present at this lovely affair. she and i had parted ways by this time.)
17
Jack Shizz
Aug 19, 2008 at 1:27 pm -LOL…great story!
Amber29 - love the Nancy Grace avatar!
18
Baffled by idiots
Aug 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm -Hahahahahaha
They rented a gallery to have their reception, knowing they and their families are half-cocked? Total recipe for disaster. I would love to see the video of the tasing.. Priceless!!
19
michelle
Aug 19, 2008 at 4:51 pm -sweet
20
Splash
Aug 19, 2008 at 4:59 pm -LOL Talk about a wedding that will never be forgotten. Sheesh.
21
Athena
Aug 19, 2008 at 5:14 pm -Well, they don’t exactly look like classy folk. I can’t say I’m entirely suprised (yes, I’m a superficial bitch like that). Theoretically, I’ll get married right on the shore of the lake I live on. It’ll be a small gathering - no more than 50 people. We’ll hold the reception right there. Our families aren’t exactly the poster children of sophistication, but they’re couth enough to avoid throwing down at a wedding.
22
The Masked Web Avenger
Aug 19, 2008 at 8:11 pm -Wow, I would divorce my whole freaking family if I were part of this douchbag clan!
23
claddaghgirl
Aug 20, 2008 at 9:39 am -Hey, I’m available but not cheap.
24
tray-bay-bay
Aug 20, 2008 at 10:38 am -BaffledByIdiots! Wasn’t Mastercard looking for new commercials? I think you have it!
Off the rack wedding dress from David’s Bridal: $100
Fancy reception at gallery: $1,000
Photos of the happy couple being tasered (twice): priceless
You are an absolute genius!
25
sugarglider
Aug 20, 2008 at 3:57 pm -That is a very inauspicious way to start your marriage. Instead of starting with good feelings, they’ve got a bunch of crappy ones they can fight over til the cows come home.
26
Wonder
Aug 21, 2008 at 3:12 am -If I ever need an alias name I am using Anna Pastuszwska
omg again LOL… too funny !!!
and this just jolted my brain LOL … excellent visionary lol
Clad and Wry you have something there… with the wedding planner * off to bed smiling…
27
Rory28
Oct 6, 2008 at 2:08 am -…W.T.F…A Lamp?,Was that lamp NOT used to smash a PLATE GLASS WINDOW???…Im sure that is worth ALLOT more than 75$…Is this because the lamp was a piece of art on consignment?,So the gallery is in the hole for there window,simply because THEY hosted the reception?,I dunno,i was kinda under the impression they did NOT knowingly host a Melee!!!…LOL
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