DERRY — Aside from being one ugly motherfucker, Dennis Boehm (MyspaceMySpace
) is also an alleged pedophile. He has been arrested due to accusations that he forced a 4-year-old boy to perform oral sex on him. He was arrested in the Derry Public Library, where he was reading a book called the “Encyclopedia of Rape.” He also possessed a pair of handcuffs.
Dennis was babysitting the young boy last SundaySunday reviews
, and when the mother came home she found her son crouched on his bed. After getting information from him about what the problem was, she called police. Boehm was then charged with aggravated felonious sexual assault. Prosecutors had asked for the $2000 bail to be increased because they believe he is a threat to society. They noted his past convictions for resisting arrest, simple assault and burglary, as well as the reading material Boehm was engaged in when arrested.
While in court, Boehm told Judge Coughlin that he did not feel that the court was acting in his best interest by sending his ass back to jail and feels he should be sent to a hospital instead.
“I do not feel safe in a correctional facility…I would feel very safe in a hospital,” he said.
Coughlin took Boehm’s suggestion under consideration and then raised Boehm’s bail from the original $2,000 to a $100,000 cash bail. He then ordered Boehm be held at the Rockingham County jail as well as being placed on a suicide watch. Ha! Ha!
1:54 pm on June 6th, 2008
top two stories on the front page are from NH???????? fuck, how far away do i have to move to get away from losers? never mind, i’ll just get more ammo……..
2:14 pm on June 6th, 2008
There is NO WHERE in which to move. The POS are everywhere, in every race, religion, and social class.
We have to start getting RID OF THEM, instead of us trying to find some where else to live. Anyway, we aren’t the ones doing the wrong, why should we move? Put those bastards in prison or kill them and let the rest of us live in peace and raise our children without fear.
2:24 pm on June 6th, 2008
Poor little baby boy. I would like to ask once again, why the hell did the mother leave her child with this piece of shit????
2:26 pm on June 6th, 2008
Check out the pics of his nephew on his myspace. Is he the victim? If not, then the sister should damn well start asking questions about what her brother did to her kid.
2:35 pm on June 6th, 2008
Is it just me, or does this quote from the news story sound like the victim IS his nephew??? Supposedly the victim’s mother wept throughout the whole proceeding. If it is his sister, I can understand her trusting her brother to babysit. She must be devestated.
Oh you think you are so clever you little snotty nosed prick. Wait till Bubba gets a hold of your asshole, you fuckwad. Burn in hell!
2:54 pm on June 6th, 2008
I have a 4 year old nephew, and this fucking shit makes me sick to imagine coming back to find him crouched on his bed. This disgusting Napolean Dynamite looking mother fucker should just die. He’ll never be a decent human being.
You don’t feel safe in a correctional facility? Fuck youuuuuuu.
3:20 pm on June 6th, 2008
If it was his sister, I can understand her asking him to babysit too… most of us tend to think we can trust relatives. Not so much, huh?
He has forever altered that little boy’s life and set him down the path to becoming an offender himself if he doesn’t get some help. Nice job, assblot.
When the fuck are we going to set up some REAL punishments for people who ruin childrens’ live? No more of this 5 or 10 years horseshit; REAL punishment. Life with no parole, executions, whatever it takes to make sure that they NEVER, EVER have the chance to hurt another child.
3:28 pm on June 6th, 2008
Who give’s a fat rat’s ass where he feels safe? How safe did the kid feel, asshat? I’m sooooooo glad the judge took it under advisement and sent his ass bact to JAIL!!!
Yeah, for the judge. Now, if they just don’t drop the ball at sentencing, it’ll be a start in the right direction.
3:29 pm on June 6th, 2008
*nods in agreement*
3:32 pm on June 6th, 2008
When the fuck are we going to set up some REAL punishments for people who ruin childrens’ live? No more of this 5 or 10 years horseshit; REAL punishment. Life with no parole, executions, whatever it takes to make sure that they NEVER, EVER have the chance to hurt another child.
Isn’t the victim in question 4? If so, I doubt this is life-ruining, in all honesty.
I agree with the rest, though. There’s nothing wrong with exceptionally harsh sentencing for those who exhibit predatory behavior.
3:44 pm on June 6th, 2008
maybe not life-ruining, but it has to be life-altering, I would think.
4:20 pm on June 6th, 2008
Can you clarify that, Athena? Why don’t you think its life ruining? Maybe this boy won’t/can’t remember this. I’m not jumping your statement, I just want to understand your opinion.
I, personnally have a very vivid memory from back before this age. It actually freaked my mom out. I named off some things that I thought were dreams. She then showed me pictures of my “dreams” that were actually memories from the first place we lived. We moved out before my 2nd birthday. What if this boy’s long term memory turns out to be like mine?
I have a friend whose little boy was made to do the same thing on his older cousin. The little boy was 3-4 and is, to this day, very upset by what happened to him. He can give you a vivid account of the incident and according to his dad, he still has night mares.
He’s probably 9-10 now. I haven’t seen them in a couple of months and don’t remember where is birthday falls within the year. What if he grows up and does the same thing to another child, that will ruin his life. The pure knowledge of it is already affecting his thoughts about sex, men and women. I believe he’s permanently altered. We’ll have to see when he get older, if he is “ruined”.
4:38 pm on June 6th, 2008
I, by no means, intend to take away from the severity of the crime. The crime is horrific and the criminal should be harshly punished.
However, while there are exceptions to the rule, in all likelihood, this child’s age will be of benefit to him. Because he is so young and his memory of the event may be impaired or nonexistant, and because he was young enough that concepts of right and wrong regarding sexuality had not likely been established, he ought to emerge relatively unscathed.
I think it mostly depends on how the event is treated going forward. If he is regularly reminded of his victimization or his family dwells on it, etc., I imagine he will be much more affected by it than if he gets some immediate counseling and then the issue is “forgotten”. In other words, the bigger a deal is made of it to him, the more he’ll be affected.
“Life-altering?” Sure. But I don’t believe the odds favor “life-ruining”.
I say this because of my own personal experience. I’m 25 with a normal sex life, no desire to offend children and, while I recall the incident, it doesn’t torture me. In fact, I only ever think about it when I read about incidents like this.
4:46 pm on June 6th, 2008
This is life altering and it can be life ruining. This is a traumatic event in this little 4 year olds life and I will guarantee you he will remember it. He may not remember the treat mom bought him at the store but he damn sure will remember being forced to perform oral sex.
Have to say Athena your comment surprises me.
4:56 pm on June 6th, 2008
Ok I see your point. I still have to disagree. His age may benefit him, and I hope and pray it does. I just think that potentially he’s ruined. I don’t think he’ll ever forget it no matter how much counseling he may get. Counseling teaches you to cope and deal, its not a memory eraser. I agree the potential for his “ruination” is lessened by immediate counseling, but I just don’t think its a guarantee of his piece of mind or that he will not become an abuser himself.
I’m sorry for what ever happened to you and I am sooooooooooo glad that you are not “tortured” by it. I think that perhaps, you are the exception to the rule, in a good way, because you are not tortured. I only hope the child will be so lucky.
5:38 pm on June 6th, 2008
I agree with you, Athena. If you think as a victim, you will be.
5:48 pm on June 6th, 2008
Hospital my ass. The place for him is in criminal college with Bubba. For a long, long time.
5:55 pm on June 6th, 2008
As Gilligan would say-”I think you’re both right”! Seriously, it depends on each person’s makeup of how they will turn out. My wife is very protective of kids, one of her sisters became a slut, and unfortunately one friend who was abused became an abuser. From what I’ve seen, people lash out in different ways or become more vigilant to stop it, or fall into the vicious cycle of abuse. It’s not blaming the victim- it’s each persons mental makeup. I had friends who grew up in loving homes turn out evil and friends who grew up in crackhouses be good citizens.
6:15 pm on June 6th, 2008
There’s creepy picture on his myspace of him posing in front of an enlarged photo of a mom holding a baby–the sister and nephew, I think. It’s in the a photo album dedicated to pix of his nephew. Pix that only a suck fuck who reads something called The Encyclopedia of Rape would find erotic.
6:24 pm on June 6th, 2008
I wonder about his comment section. Friends are posting pictures of hunks for him. Sa-weet hunks.
6:58 pm on June 6th, 2008
Well, his orientation says gay. What it should really say is, gay for little boys. Fucking sicko.
7:32 pm on June 6th, 2008
Your nephew doesn’t feel safe anymore, Asswipe. Why should you be special?
8:02 pm on June 6th, 2008
Thank you, Momof4.
Athena, I happen to know a little something about this subject and the long-term effects it has on people and I stand by my original statement. Many are, decades later, still struggling with their sex lives, horrible flashbacks, feelings of intense violation that aren’t abated even with therapy, among other things. By your logic, sexual abuse of young children isn’t THAT horrific because they might just “get over it” and not just not really be THAT badly affected by it. I know you’ll deny that, but it is the logical deduction.
The only other person I’ve ever known who says he wasn’t really affected by being sexually abused as a child has Aspberger’s syndrome and isn’t really feelings-oriented, to put it one way. I would even disagree with his assessment of himself, because he came from a wonderful, loving family but as a teenager turned into a total psychopath, killing and torturing animals, was starting to be violent towards people, and even confessed to me later that he fantasized about molesting children, but just never was able to go through with it. (In his late 20’s, he became a Christian and turned his life around and now is almost 40 and still doing well.) He is the ONLY ONE besides you that I’ve ever heard say that, and I’ve spent a lot of time talking to victims.
Everyone else I have ever known who was sexually abused still carries the baggage of it in some way. Many girls act out sexually as teenagers – if I hear a young girl being called a “slut”, or willingly submitting to sex with multiple guys at a time, I can guess as to her childhood.
And… many boys DO become offenders. It’s not a given – those with strength of character who don’t want to hurt others, those who get help, etc, often avoid this pitfall – but many don’t. Hell, I bet the assface we’re talking about here was molested as a kid; I bet you anything, but I don’t feel one ounce of sympathy for him since he chose to perpetuate the cycle.
People can get counseling, try to move on, try to heal, but the damage done is enormous, and MOST people don’t say, Well, gee, I hardly ever think about it; didn’t really affect me! Most people, it affects GREATLY.
Your stance minimizes the damage done by child rape. If you were raped as a child but it’s had zero effect on you, great. I’m happy for you. This is absolutely, positively NOT the case for 99% of the other victims out there. If you want to think of yourself as better and stronger than others for it not affecting you at all, fine. Just know your experience is not typical.
9:30 pm on June 6th, 2008
SqueakyClean, I have never understood the psychology of this was of coping with abuse. I am not doubting you, but asking for some insight into it. I would think sexual abuse would drive a girl away from everything sexual, so it seems illogical to me that a girl would become promiscuous. I guess logic isn’t the issue, but the drive to cope. How does it work? And why don’t boys act out in the same way?
9:39 pm on June 6th, 2008
And I would like this guy to spend a lot of time feeling very unsafe. How dare he admonish the judge? And how weird it is that his bail started off at a mere $2,000. I don’t understand that either.
10:10 pm on June 6th, 2008
It is really heartbreaking when I hear so many stories from people who were the victims of sexual child abuse. Although they can lead normal lives obviously, deep down inside I’m sure the pain doesn’t entirely go away.
One reason that I pray and hope that Athena may be right, is that this boy is young enough to maybe not remember what happened, and the fact that he wasn’t sodomized may help. Maybe as far as he knows, his uncle/babysitter just made him put something icky in his mouth. As disgusting as it is, I’m grateful that he wasn’t sodomized or suffered physical pain, you know what I mean? And this has nothing to do with the seriousness of what this monster did or the punishment, this is just something that I am hoping for this little boy’s sake.
10:36 pm on June 6th, 2008
Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmit!!!!!
Wry, I just wrote an extensive response (while noting that my interest in psychology is on an amateur level – I have worked with abused populations but my actual degree is in something else) and the damn computer ATE IT when I hit enter!!! grrrr~!!!!!
I might try it again later; right now I’m too annoyed with the damn comp. In the meantime, google victims of sexual abuse promiscuous and you’ll find some good answers to your questions.
11:11 pm on June 6th, 2008
I’m sure that little boy felt really safe and at ease at home while he was being babysat by this fucktard who ruined this poor baby for life.
4:41 am on June 7th, 2008
I’m not SqueakyClean (heh), but I’ll tackle it.
Promiscuity can be a girl’s way of feeling as though she’s manipulating or “controlling” men rather than being controlled by them, or, if she was abused young enough, or abused by a family member, she may have been taught that her only value is her sexuality, that that’s the way she has to earn love.
It doesn’t always turn a person off of sex, rather, it can give them a stronger stomach–if Dad’s the one who’s “been at” you, hey, damn near anyone or any act is preferable to that.
And sexual stimulation too young can make a kid almost frantically sexual. Kids do what they’ve learned, after all, and when you add the fucked up emotional and psychological dynamics that go with sexual abuse, the kids can be pretty driven towards sexuality.
With boys, it kind of depends on who abused them and how young they were. If they were pubescent and abused by an older, non-related female, they may not even consider themselves abused. Abuse very young and/or by an older male when their own orientation is straight, tends to fuck them up.
A pubescent abused by an older female may wish to become promiscuous, but it is generally harder for boys to get laid than it is for girls, unless they’re willing to accept male pedophiles, and I don’t think these kids are likely to, whereas a boy who has been abused by an important male family member might accept or even seek out pedophiles, as a way of obtaining “love”. He may also become an abuser himself, preferring to identify with the “powerful” abuser rather than with the weaker victim.
Make any sense?
6:28 am on June 7th, 2008
I disagree. Four is plenty old enough to retain the memory. In another year, he’ll be in kindergarten, kids are certainly capable of learning and retaining at age four.
A young child will often appear to “forget” the abuse when their situation forces them to live with or have constant contact with the abuser. When the child is in a situation that s/he cannot escape from, it is more helpful for them to block the memory of the abuse than to constantly dwell on it. The memories tend to return full force in later years.
I would also say that by age four he has pretty clear ideas of what’s right and wrong regarding sexuality. His mother has probably managed by now to impart that he should please keep his hands out of his pants in public, and please keep his clothes on. He is aware by age four that adults don’t generally go showing their genitalia about, and that they most definitely do not routinely go around shoving said genitalia down their younger relative’s throats.
Also, by age four, he should be past the “bug-eating” stage of infancy. By now he’s aware that you don’t put yukky things in your mouth. While he’s too young to understand adult sexuality, he’s certainly old enough to associate penises with urination and to not want to “kiss” someone’s nasty old pee-pee. He may also have feared suffocation while being forced to fellate his uncle.
The fact that his mother found him “crouched on his bed” instead of sleeping or playing indicates to me that he was plenty traumatized by this, and not apt to easily forget it.
This, I agree with, with the caveat that abuse is usually traumatic for the victim’s parents as well as for the victim, so it’s often poorly dealt with. If the child’s parents remain vigilant (though not hovering) and aware of his behavior, and listen to him, they can stay on top of issues as they occur. Let’s hope they do it right.
9:55 am on June 7th, 2008
Give me 20 minutes with this warped fuck. He’ll have memories of the time and I assure you they will haunt him the rest of his life.
and no, he is NOT going to “feel safe”
I still say one day I’ll end up on the front page after I meet one of the sick fucks. I gotta get a DD shirt soon in case it happens sooner rather than later.
Athena,
I hope you are right, but fear you may not be about his memory of the event.
I agree 100% that if it is kept in the forefront of his memory by others not letting it go, moving forward and healing then it will be a problem later on for him.
That is the one and only fear I have about this site is that one day this kid may well have moved on and put the event behind him, only to google search something and come upon the site and have to re-live it.
Wouldn’t it just SUCK that in our rush to scorn those that need it, we could later hurt ones that don’t…
Not sure how I feel about that, or how one might prevent it from happening.
R
(not trying to be a downer here, just thinking out loud. tic, tic, tic…tic tic…hear it?)
10:23 am on June 7th, 2008
Harley…You’re Hired!!!
Feel free to stop by Lower Level 4 on your way out for any supplies you might need.
11:59 am on June 7th, 2008
And then Dammitall came to my rescue! I should scream “Dammit” more often!
Excellent explanation, D. To that I would add sometimes it is simple conditioning, as well. They may hate it, they may want to puke from it, but this is all they’ve ever done, all they’ve “ever been good for”. Humans are creatures of habit.
Sometimes it can even be a defense mechanism – a way to tell themselves it wasn’t that bad, that THEY control this, it’s THEIR choice. They sleep with more and more and more men, trying to convince themselves of this.
(these things definitely tie into what D. already said, too.)
Some girls reason, I’m already dirty anyway, already damaged goods, might as well become as dirty as possible. (I didn’t say the psychology behind this is logical, but there are victims who think this way.)
And some girls don’t fall into the trap of promiscuity at all, whether through strong family support, religious upbringing, lack of opportunity, or other reasons. People handle things differently, and I do agree it’s important to not assume a victim mentality – then the abuser continues to maintain control even after he’s long gone. However, it is equally important not to downplay the incredible breach of trust that has occurred; to not be in denial of the consequences of what one web site called “the relational betrayal of a minor by an adult who is in a position of authority with the child and who exploits his own and victim’s sexuality to subjective empower himself by utterly dominating the physical, psychological, and spiritual experiences of the victim.”
12:08 pm on June 7th, 2008
Squeaky and Dammitall, I think you are both right on. Traumatic experiences are very hard to forget, no matter what age. And there are varying degrees of sexual abuse.
I know of two adult women from the same family who were abused by the same pedophile. They each reacted very differently to the abuse. One became promiscuous and the other became “afraid of men.” Neither one told until they were adults, but neither one ever forgot. Both were younger than the age of 6 when the abuse happened.
They both live normal lives but each has been affected very much by the abuse in their childhoods. It affects their relationships to this day. It is 100% a result of the actual abuse and NOT someone reminding them constantly that they were abused.
2:40 pm on June 7th, 2008
Agree. Every person is an individual. Therefore everyone is going to handle an incident such as this differently.
Dammit Harley, you talking like that makes me all hot and flustered. ….okay it is really fucking humid today, but ya know…..I’m just picturing your big beefiness fucking this pervert up……..*fans self* Dayum it is hot up in here. hehehehehe
2:56 pm on June 7th, 2008
I see what you’re saying and it makes sense. I hope this little boy not be damaged by this awful experience. It sounds as if he was suffering a lot already.
And I cringe to think that he’ll be googling for news stories about his abuse experience someday. But we can make that argument about every perp here — they all have kids who are related to them and may someday google around for info on the family dishonor. It won’t be about them personally, but it will be there for them to read about their family history, what uncle did to auntie or how big brother threw baby sis at the police officer. Shall we shut down DD? Shall we shift into soothing mode and try to make everyone feel better?
4:56 pm on June 7th, 2008
Yes. Yes, you should.
I can’t guarantee it’ll be at all to your advantage, but I’ll certainly get a little ego boost. And royalties. I get those as well.
I think some girls figure “Hey, I wasn’t saving it for anything, anyway.” I’ve heard it said among the piggier of men that if you want an uninhibited, eager-to-please wildwoman in bed, look for an abuse survivor. They’re used to it, they won’t cringe, and they’re starving for love and attention.
I kind of suspect that the women who were forced to do things to their abusers are the ones who reject sexuality later in life, while the ones who had things done to them are the ones who seek control via promiscuity, though this theory is off the top of my head and I could be entirely full’o’shit, no surprise to anybody.
5:19 pm on June 7th, 2008
I don’t think there’s too much we can say that will equate what the victims experienced from their abusers. It’s hard to say what they’ll think ten or twenty years from now, whether this info will be scarcely available, readily available, or extinct.
It may help them to see others’ viewpoints on what happened to them and see that strangers were on their side.
The abusers and enablers? Fuck what they think.
5:39 pm on June 7th, 2008
I wouldn’t even Begin to suggest such a thing. Honestly I’m not at all concerned about friends and family that may run across this stuff searching. I do have a small concern over the actual surviving (direct) victims possibly having to re-live events that they had put behind them.
More of an “opening old wounds” concern.
I do agree with you that it could serve to show them that others were just as if not more outraged by the acts of their attackers.
R
11:22 pm on June 7th, 2008
His myspace says he “doesn’t want kids”… Apparently this just refers to spawning them not molesting them.
Incidentally, (slightly off topic) but is Imp on vacation? Haven’t seen her posting the front page lately.
1:04 pm on June 9th, 2008
He was reading the “Encyclopedia of Rape?†WTF????? I do not live in a bubble by any means, but it never occurred to me that there was such a book. And in a public library? I’m totally stunned.
1:53 pm on June 9th, 2008
I thought of that, too. Maybe they need to define “want” on these lists.
3:22 pm on June 9th, 2008
It is not the Encyclopedia of Rape in the way an Encyclopedia of Gardening would be about how to garden……
3:27 pm on June 9th, 2008
Squeaky and Dammitall, I think you are both right on. Traumatic experiences are very hard to forget, no matter what age. And there are varying degrees of sexual abuse.
Just to rein things in a little, I was responding to the suggestion that this is life-ruining. Is there life-ruining abuse? Absolutely. Is the above situation life-ruining? Probably not. Like you said, Kathy, it’s a matter of degree. The abuse that took place in this case was absolutely deplorable, but we’ve seen much worse, haven’t we? This isn’t taking away from what happened, here; I’m just stating fact.
Again, I am not taking away from the heinousness of the crime committed. However, suggesting that it will ruin this child’s life is unfounded, especially when, in rebuttal, people mention that the victims they know all lead mostly normal lives.
I also did not mean to insinuate that there will be no lingering effect for this child, only that this experience won’t likely cause him to cease functioning (life-ruining) and that the extent of the damage has a great deal to do with how it’s treated going forward.
As far as memory goes – Research suggests that, prior to the age of 5, memory is spotty and impaired, when it exists at all. He may be able to remember this event, but it’s unlikely that he’ll remember it with the clarity that he would had it happened to him at 8 or 9. In that respect, he may be spared a bit of grief.
SQUEAKY – You exhibit a tragic flaw in logic. Your anecodal evidence regarding “most people” and how they react to abuse would only be accurate if these people you were talking to experienced the same brand of abuse as did the victim in this case. For someone who “know[s] a little something”, I’m kind of surprised you didn’t even attempt to differentiate.
The fact of the matter is, the response exhibited by someone who was abused regularly and over a period of time is going to differ from someone who was victimized once but violently which will differ from someone who was abused briefly and non-violently, etc. So, lumping them all into the same catagory to address the likely effects this boy will experience is terribly inaccurate.
…I’m not surprised to hear that your involvement in psychology is amateur.
Lastly, I’d like to address this statement: “Well, gee, I hardly ever think about it; didn’t really affect me!”
If I had come out and said, “This happened to me when I was young, and I still suffer,” I can only imagine the sympathy I would have gotten from you. But, because I was victimized and it didn’t ruin me, it’s okay to mock my response?
You’re not only an amateur, you’re kind of a jackass.
7:43 pm on June 9th, 2008
If this was intended to hurt me, you failed. I have no problem admitting that I don’t know everything – perhaps you should try such an approach.
That wasn’t mocking you; it was a generalized statement about how I feel about how victims react; or rather, don’t react. Perhaps before assuming the worst (ie, it referring to you yourself), you should ask for clarification rather than resorting to childish names.
And IMO you have a continual manner of condescension that suggests extreme insecurity – you try to prove yourself one step smarter than others, one step above, to ensure your pride remains intact. It’s not my favorite style to deal with, but I haven’t resorted to name calling. In fact I’d outright ignored your few comments to me in the forums, finding them patronizing and not worth my time.
Perhaps a better solution would be to leave each other in peace. You can do as you wish, but that will be my MO with you from now on.
8:04 pm on June 9th, 2008
I was. I’m back now. All the fun stuff happens when i’m gone.
11:26 pm on June 9th, 2008
Welcome back, hope you had fun even without the joys of this place!
7:28 pm on June 10th, 2008
If this was intended to hurt me, you failed. I have no problem admitting that I don’t know everything – perhaps you should try such an approach.
You mean, by adding qualifiers like “in my opinion” or “likely”, rather than stating beliefs as fact? Feel free to review the posts. I make it QUITE clear that I’m not the authority on the issue.
That wasn’t mocking you; it was a generalized statement about how I feel about how victims react; or rather, don’t react. Perhaps before assuming the worst (ie, it referring to you yourself), you should ask for clarification rather than resorting to childish names.
You expect me to buy that? You paraphrased my experience, an experience that you said no one you’ve met except for a sociopath with Aspergers has had, and reiterated it in such a way that denotes a blatant lack of respect for the statement. If you intended for me to take it ANY other way, you certainly missed your mark. Your entire bloody response to me was snippy and, while I might normally give people some leeway during emotional topics, you were being pretty inconsiderate.
And IMO you have a continual manner of condescension that suggests extreme insecurity – you try to prove yourself one step smarter than others, one step above, to ensure your pride remains intact. It’s not my favorite style to deal with, but I haven’t resorted to name calling. In fact I’d outright ignored your few comments to me in the forums, finding them patronizing and not worth my time.
I’m floored by the hypocrisy. You want patronizing and condescending? At least I’m willing to recognize I occasionally have a problem with that, but, you? Are you willing to accept those same labels? Or would you rather suggest with a straight face that the following is neither patronizing nor condescending?
Your stance minimizes the damage done by child rape. If you were raped as a child but it’s had zero effect on you, great. I’m happy for you. This is absolutely, positively NOT the case for 99% of the other victims out there. If you want to think of yourself as better and stronger than others for it not affecting you at all, fine. Just know your experience is not typical.
I disagreed with you quite clinically and civilly, even mentioning that I agreed with most of what you had to say, and you responded with sarcasm and contempt. You took the first shot. Since you seem to have difficulty discussing opposing viewpoints in an unemotional manner, it’s just as well that you steer clear.
8:22 pm on June 10th, 2008
I was abused once, non violently by an uncle. It did not ruin my life. Childhhod sexual abuse has got such a large sweep, if you know what I mean. Like, it’s all awful, but the very first touch to the brutal rape is vastly different. I have no way of knowing what this particular boy will remember, as I am not him. I have found that alot of men don’t remember things as keenly as women, but I again have no idea. Some people are also stronger than others. I just understand what Athena tried to say, and since everyone gave an example of people that it damaged in some way, I thought I would show sometimes it doesn’t.
And I don’t even know what asbergers syndrome is.
9:16 pm on June 10th, 2008
In a nutshell no two victims react the same way. Not even 2 victims who were violated in the same manner by the same person. The bottom line is being abused as a child in any manner changes who you are. Traumatic experiences are not forgotten. They can be buried in one’s memories but they are not gone for good. Children as young as 2 can and do remember painful abuse whether it is sexual or physical causing extreme pain.
Is it life altering?? Yes it is every time. Is it life ruining? That’s subjective to each individual. Many victims perceive themselves as flawed or less than what they would have been had they not been abused. In that regard many victims do feel it is life ruining. You and I may look at the person’s life and decide their life is not ruined however that is simply our opinion which doesn’t make it reality to the victim. Other victims feel empowered to have overcome the abuse and feel they are stronger because of that. You or I might view them differently though. I have worked with victims like that who are simply in denial and cannot see it. They tell themselves and everyone else they are fine and it hasn’t affected them. Some of them are work-aholics who keep themselves so busy they have no time for relationships. They avoid intimate relationships because often times the abuse affects the way they are in relationships.
The bottom line is that sexual abuse of any kind changes who you are and whether it ruins the life of the victim isn’t determined by the type, length or severity of the abuse. We are all different and things effect each of us differently. There is no right or wrong way to feel when you are a victim.
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