I Don’t Care If It Rains Or Freezes…
… as long as I’ve got my Cocaine Jesus…
Texas Border - Now that is just a beautiful depiction of Our Lord right there. Look at the full eyelashes! The caring expression! The shiny, molded hair! The golden robes covered with the best Dutch Boy Gold spray paint! And the whole six pound statue is lovingly handcrafted out of only the finest South American cocaine!  Wait…. what?
Oh yes, children of the Lord. You too could have bought Cocaine Jesus for only about $30K street. OF course, you’d have to break Him up in water, then sift Him through a strainer or two and dry Him out before use, and then He wouldn’t look like Jesus anymore. But you wouldn’t care, oh no, because that toothache? That nosebleed? Totally gone.
Bernardino Garcia-Cordova, 61, apparently offered to pay a woman eighty bucks to get two religious statues across the Mexican border and then deliver them to him at a bus station in Laredo, Texas. But they ahve drug-sniffing dogs at the border, and one of them alerted on the box. The woman probably had no idea that the 3-kilogram Jesus statue was made of drugs. I might have suspected sugar, but I’m kind of gullible like that. Everyone knows Jesus was a hippie, and hippies don’t do coke.
Garcia-Cordova spilled, though. He told Immigration and Customs Enforcement that Cocaine Jesus was headed for Dallas, to a coke dealer called La Araña (The Spider). This means that ICE better get Garcia-Cordova a nice comfy bed in a very very secure jail, or even Cocaine Jesus will not be able to save him.
Bernardino Garcia-Cordova was arraigned Tuesday on charges of cocaine importation, possession with intent to distribute cocaine and conspiracy.
Thanks to Mom of 4 for the link!
If only she’d put him on the dashboard of her car and driven him across the border…this would never have happened!
I hope Talking Jesus posts to tell us all about His adventure.
I wonder who thought this up and if they have done it before. Guess they figure no one would be interested in a tacky religious statue and the aura of sacredness might protect it. Luckily, drug dogs don’t have those cultural inhibitions.
Holy shit! Literally…
And he’ll probably do more time than the child killers and rapers.
I tried that with Big Butter Jesus once. Silly me.
I have spoken to them thru tongs, and they tried to exorcise me. I have come to them in visions of warning, still they don’t listen. What will people make images of me out of next? Perhaps a crucifix of meth.
Too funny!
TJ, you forgot to mention Big Butter Jesus in your list.
Probably a shit statue on a mattress sleeping with kids.
A statue of Eric Clapton would have been cooler……