BRB, Goin’ To Wal-Mart
May 23, 2008 by impqueen
Lovejoy, GA – If you’re headed to the Lovejoy Wal-Mart in Georgia, better watch your ass. The suburban Atlanta community has a butt-biter in their midst. Said butt-biter is an unidentified fifteen-year-old middle school student who has sunk his teeth into the asses of at least ten women.
The biting assaults started last AugustAugust reviews
and have continued all school year.
On Wednesday, one of the kid’s butt-biting victim saw her toothy assailant out with his family and confronted him. Police were called and interviewed the boy, after which he was arrested and sent to juvie, where any female guards probably ought to watch their asses as well (… come on. It’s Friday and there’s just not that much material here. Give an imp a break.)
The young suspect has been charged with four counts of sexual battery, and more charges are likely. If anyone has a name, a photo, or a MyspaceMySpace of this kid, I would be forever grateful. I wanna see his teeth.
10:19 am on May 23rd, 2008
ok that is some crazy shit! Who would have thought, “oh I’d better watch my keester in Wal-mart today, I might get bit!”
……
WTF!?!
11:34 am on May 23rd, 2008
How do you even get in position to bite 10 unwilling people in the ass?
Neighbor: “He was always such a quiet boy, I can’t imagine him doing something like this. But yes, he’s so flexible you’d never believe it!”
11:59 am on May 23rd, 2008
Yeah, or maybe he’s real short. He wanted to bite their breasts, but knew he couldn’t hop that high.
How were the attacks perpetrated? Could he have been lounging on the shelves in the stuffed-toy-animal aisle? Perhaps wearing a smiling shark mask? Or lurking in the pet section on the gravel in the bottom of one of the fish tanks? Or lunging from among the potted ferns in the garden section?
Or like a land-shark, did he track a plump ass all around the store, then suddenly jacknife and land a bite? And after the bite, how did he disappear so fast? Wouldn’t he have threads stuck in his teeth?
How funny that this woman got bit, turned real fast, saw Toothy later and had the nerve to confront him. Good for her!
2:24 pm on May 23rd, 2008
He probably hid in the clothes racks. I used to hide in them when I was a kid. Got lost too doing that.. Anyways, this is very weird, but kind of amusing.
2:24 pm on May 23rd, 2008
I do feel bad for the ladies getting bit, that sucks I’m sure, but I can’t help it…..I am laughing my ass off! Thanks for making my Friday a little brighter
7:14 pm on May 23rd, 2008
Hmm..how does one react to getting bit on her ass while at Walmart?
I don’t shop at that store because I think it’s kinda gross and dirty (some of the ones around here are anyway) but I think I’d probably chase the little fuck face, tackle him (I used to play rugby)and then punch his nut sac with my fist a couple times. I’m sure I’d be the one that would get in trouble though, a 30 yr old chick punching a 15 yr old in his sac..whatever, I think it would be worth it.
Or I’d bite him back.
Wait…he’s 15 and is in middle school??? Jeeze….
7:22 pm on May 23rd, 2008
I found some family movies.
Family movies
7:38 pm on May 23rd, 2008
Ok, that’s it! I’m not going to Wally World anymore unless I have a bad case of gas! That ought to teach some ass biting punk!
I would be more understanding if this was a 5 year old child, but 15?! He knew BUTTer, I mean better.
10:37 pm on May 23rd, 2008
Morbid, Imp? Is there any info on how he did the biting and got away? Did he just act innocent? I’m more and more confused as to how one does such a weird thing in public and gets away with it at least 10 times.
11:18 pm on May 23rd, 2008
i think that because the perpetrator was a kid, people didn’t call the cops. They might have gotten really upset but not thought it was a police matter, or they might have thought he just pinched them, or something – I’m not sure.
6:52 am on May 24th, 2008
They might have been too shocked/confused/embarrassed to really do anything. Imagine being in a crowded Walmart and having to shout, “Help! Some kid just bit me in the ass!”
9:31 am on May 24th, 2008
Yeah, you’re right. Maybe they thought, “Suppose I’m wrong? And the kid didn’t bite me in the butt cheek? I could get in a lot of trouble.” Then they went home and saw the bite marks and it was too late. I guess they just couldn’t haul down their pants to check if it was a pinch or something.
11:39 am on May 24th, 2008
One of my kids used to do this in the grocery store–he used his favorite handpuppet to do the biting….and he was only two years old at the time. Maybe this biter is socially retarded?
11:45 am on May 24th, 2008
I’m still wondering if the kid is a dwarf, just because otherwise there would be a lot of bending involved.
6:12 am on December 20th, 2008
[...] there is a story or two about crazy shit going down at the local Wal-Mart. We have crazed shoppers, butt-biters, pedophiles, Guitar Hero lovin’ murderers. Now we have Donald Bohn; a lonely weirdo who hangs [...]
5:06 am on March 6th, 2009
[...] most boring little town in the world. Nothing ever happens here. I have yet to get my ass bitten at Wal-Mart; My neighbors, though annoying and anal, are fairly clean and normal looking; Hell, we don’t [...]
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