Bijan Anjomi’s NOT Gonna Rape Ya
May 7, 2008 by Indrid Cold
UPDATE – Bijan Anjomi has been cleared of all charges. I had forgotten about this story and missed the April update. I wonder where Indrid is these days. – Morbid
Toronto, Canada — Cops in Toronto say Las Vegas-based former Mr. Universe and current Mr. Creepy Crazy Smiley Bald Dude Bijan Anjomi came to their fair city and got a little rapey. Toronto investigators arrested Anjomi, age 64, on May 7. He’s been charged with 3 counts of sexual assault. At least two women claim that they visited Anjomi in a hotel room — separately — for ‘personal coaching sessions.’ (There’s a new euphemism for ya.) Upon realizing this guy who looks like a Star TrekStar Trek reviews
alien missing the funny forehead had assaulted them, the women ratted him out to the fuzz.
Did I mention that Anjomi is, in addition to being a motivational speaker, a ‘clinical hypnotherapist?’ (Paging Carmine Baffa, your motivational speaking, hypnotizing, sexually predatory soul brother and fellow creepy fucker is on line 1). This may have something to do with the strangely phrased bit about the alleged victims ‘realizing’ Anjomi assaulted them.
Anjomi’s terrifying website features first his unearthly smiling mug and a then bunch of other stuff about how cosmically awesome this former health club owner, bartender, bouncer and commercial real estate agent truly is. When speaking to your civic group, company or cult, you can expect Anjomi to see and feel “the participant’s energy, beliefs and thought systems.” His superhuman perceptions and penis allow him to “know exactly how to work with the audience and to know what to say” in order to get women back to his room for some hypnotizing and raping. Okay, I added that last part.
Bijan Anjomi appears to be kind of a big deal in some Vegas social circles. A page at SocialRegister.com says that Baffa — er, Anjomi and his wife, Samia Hyjazi, will pretty much bring peace and harmony to the entire fucking Universe through their mad healing, coaching, speaking and raping skills.
Inexplicably, Anjomi did indeed win a division of the Mr. Universe competition 3 times. This explains his rockin’ man-maries, seen in the image at the top of the page.
If you’ve been raped by Bijan Anjomi, or you know anyone else he may have roped into one of Mr. Universe’s ‘personal coaching sessions,’ call the Toronto CrimeStoppers at 416-222-8477.
6:51 pm on May 7th, 2008
Awesome article. One of the best laughs I’ve had all week.
And dude does have a Michael Dorn thing happening around the eyes, not gonna lie.
7:03 pm on May 7th, 2008
Thank you
I toyed with putting up a Mr. Clean comparison shot, but I’m too lazy.
7:25 pm on May 7th, 2008
Did you here Mr. Clean is in the hospital? He has ammonia.
Seriously though. I was completely convinced the guys head on that body was an awesome photoshop job. Until I visited his webist. He really looks like that? Ewww. Creepy. Asshat.
7:33 pm on May 7th, 2008
Haha! First time commenter. Make that ‘website’. Not ‘webist’. Gosh. Way to make an impression. *blushes*
7:40 pm on May 7th, 2008
I think you coined a word, actually. “Webist” — one who lives his life on the Web. I’m a motherfuckin webist, yo.
It could also mean someone who has a sick fetish for surfing the web, I guess. Or would that be a webophile? As opposed to a webophobe, someone who runs in terror from the web. The latter phenomenon is usually due to an encounter with a teenager’s viciously pimped-out MySpace page.
Or seeing Bijan Anjomi’s website, for that matter.
7:53 pm on May 7th, 2008
LMAO Indrid! Brilliant reply to my mass rad typo. Or perhaps my typo was really my subconscious mind trying to come out of the webophile closet…
Bijan Anjomi’s website = instant onset of webophobia
7:56 pm on May 7th, 2008
So I wasn’t off when I said his site was terrifying? Cause I clicked to it the first time and screamed out loud, like a leetle girl.
8:02 pm on May 7th, 2008
BTW — Carmine Baff- er, Bijan Anjomi is all up in the YouTubez too.
8:04 pm on May 7th, 2008
Guess those gals didn’t listen to his CD: “How to Be Open to Receive”
I don’t need to order his book “Absolutely Effortless Laughter” because Indrid seems to summed up the story quite well…
8:35 pm on May 7th, 2008
Dammit Indrid, why the hell would you link his website?? I’m gonna have nightmares over that freaky grin and all the bullshit.
Wonder why he had to rape women though? His wife is pretty hot. Just sayin’.
8:38 pm on May 7th, 2008
Oh, that’s good.
Seriously, though — I was always suspicious as hell of the whole motivational speaker/life coach thing, but guys like this and Baffa have only amplified that suspicion. I can’t help but think most of them are cons in one way or another, now.
You know, I’m a good public speaker. Shit, maybe I’ll give it a try. “On becoming a happier webist with Indrid Cold” or some shit like that.
8:41 pm on May 7th, 2008
My dear, linking that fucker’s website was crucial to the crafting of this lovely bit of prose by yours truly. Because after I saw it, I imagined others clicking through and doing exactly as I did — backing away from the computer with a start, snowblind from Bijan’s teeth and screaming, desperately making the sign of the cross all the way.
9:06 pm on May 7th, 2008
I did just that, then ran and grabbed two more beers from fridge in an attempt to soothe myself.
9:14 pm on May 7th, 2008
I think his website put me in preterm labor! Oh no, its just gas.
9:19 pm on May 7th, 2008
Ugh…. He is ugly and creepy.
9:22 pm on May 7th, 2008
Holy shit! That website is frightening. That man could seriously blind someone with his 110 watt shining teeth. Eek.
He even has books for children…gotta rope ‘em in young apparently.
9:37 pm on May 7th, 2008
Ok, you have to admit… “Effortless Prosperity” Can you not have a more blatant admission than that? Lots of money for him and her, very little effort for them…. oh unless you count Mr Bald grunting on top of you.
10:18 pm on May 7th, 2008
that was very entertaining!
i have never seen such glow-in-the-dark teeth. do you suppose they are dentures?
10:39 pm on May 7th, 2008
I know people say it all the time about bald men, but this guy ACTUALLY looks like a penis. In this pic he looks like a penis, on his website, it looks like someone dressed a penis up in a little suit.
For a second there, I though it was a HUGE joke and this was just one of Morbid’s photoshop jobs. But no, this guy really looks like that. Like a dick with veneers.
1:51 am on May 8th, 2008
http://www.effortlessprosperity.com/events_info.php?id=3&date=2008-05-19
check out his next event, be sure to see the refund policy too lol
This seminar is more than your relationship with your significant other. It is also about your relationship with your family, relatives, neighbors, co-workers and most importantly with yourself. During this seminar Bijan and Samia will work together to clear all the misunderstanding and negative belief systems that are going around on this planet regarding your relationships.
$650 for 5 days / advanced registration is only $500
one thing you might learn is …..
…..How to open yourself for effortless relationships
9:32 am on May 8th, 2008
hahahahaha roflmao
6:59 am on May 12th, 2008
Hahahahahaha, oh my god. I was reading this comment as I was listening to Imp’s response to the hate mail about this. Good times, good times!
11:04 am on May 12th, 2008
Did you guys post the Impqueen response to the hate mail? I want to see it, I can’t decipher the first line of it on the podcast, Imp was laughing too hard!
12:10 pm on May 12th, 2008
Here’s the hate mail, by popular demand:
Ramona wrote:
You publish crap you are going to be judged like a crap. The demon represents
you well with your hatred and low life on this earth.
Those two crazy lunatic ladies accusing Bijan Anjomi have mental problems. One
of my friend went to one of those in her home and she was in hysteria thinking
the dog was going to molest her and that the mail man was smiling too much at
her. She is overweight and ugly as a cow. How could a man desire such a scum
bag. He would be crazy. Continue to spread your dirty language around you
contribute a lot to the forces of evil and frankly what do you do to make this
world better. Fart and speak dirty. Everyone can fall into this weakness. It is
not a glory. I prefer my wallet to yours because I have work all my life to have
the money I am enjoying and I do not have to earn it while spitting my dirty
fuel on everybody because I fell sorry for myself.
Naturally, I felt the need to respond in kind.
I wrote:
Dear Ramona,
It is Ramona, right? You’re not a guy? Then someone else has your Myspace. Anyway.
Thank you for your kind email. Our demon’s name is Hudge. When we light the special
penis-shaped candle, Hudge sends his answers via light waves to our higher consciousness.
Today we offered a sacrifice to Hudge to ask for his guidance in dealing with your
problem.
Hudge imparted his infant demon wisdom to us. He says that you should engage in two
personal coaching sessions at only $500 each. This will help you with your energy,
beliefs and thought systems. Hudge also suggested that you pump a little iron to relieve
your sexual tension and to rid you of your jealousy at not being one of the Anjomi’s
chosen. Hudge says that although Bijan Anjomi is a pervert who likes to rape vulnerable
women under hypnosis, that might be right up your alley.
If you couldn’t score with Anjomi, perhaps it’s time you give Carmine Baffa a call.
Sincerely,
Imp Queen
Acolyte of Hudge, the Dreamin’ Demon
1:59 pm on May 12th, 2008
Hahahahaha!
11:22 pm on June 18th, 2008
Indrid Cold, you are a sick, sad, sorry person. You seriously need extensive therapy and psychological evaluation.
First of all, the word “alleged” does not mean an incident actually happened. Were you in the room with these women when they claimed that this incident occurred? It’s really sick that you carry on as if you are the expert on this incident when you don’t even know any of the parties involved. You really need to wake up and get a life. Your disgusting words and sick opinions are doing nothing positive in this world and are just taking up precious space.
Second of all, where do you get off accusing someone of rape when you have no idea if these allegations are even true?
If you actually knew what you were talking about, you would know that Bijan Anjomi has helped and healed thousands of people around the world with nothing but positive energy and love. He has changed so many people’s lives for the better, including mine.
People like you make me sick. You attempt to taint the name and reputation of people whom you don’t even know, based on a news article you read in some second rate newspaper. I’ve worked as a journalist for over 12 years and know that half of these news articles are just reports of speculation. Get a life. I hope that every ill word you have put out there against Bijan and everyone else comes back to you ten-fold.
11:33 pm on June 18th, 2008
Wakeup Dreamin Demon? Is that anything like waking the sleeping dragon? Sounds fun.
Anyway, what you are saying is just that – something you are saying. I don’t know you from a pickle. I at least give credibility to news sources. Certainly no credibility to some anonymous tard who spouts unverifiable crapola.
Is the demon awake yet? Tards are so boring…. They never say anything original.
11:41 pm on June 18th, 2008
Although I totally disagree with your perspective Wake Up Dreamin Demon, “sick, sad, sorry person” was nice alliteration on your part.
As a journalist, I am sure that you can appreciate the first amendment and while it may not be your idea of “positive energy and love”, people have a right to their opinions whether or not you feel that those opinions are informed.
7:10 am on June 19th, 2008
like this kind of positive energy and love?
Oh, I see the positive energy and love. It just shines out of you, like the ten-fold curses you send out to someone who is defending rape victims. Gotcha love right here, huh? You probably weren’t aware that we also double check our information against police reports and court records, right?
We actually got our physical safety threatened by one or two of Bijan’s followers – interesting, given that we occasionally get threats from trashy friends of murderers, but not generally from people who are supposed to be all enlightened and stuff. We also got some of the most awesomely hilarious hate mail ever. You should check out our second podcast. Go ahead, fast forward to the end. Some guy named Venditta wants to meet ya and shake your hand.
7:14 am on June 19th, 2008
I dunno, Dakota, but it hums really well to the tune of “Wake Up Little Susie”. I’m gonna have a retro-music-fest in my head for at least the next five minutes. Maybe that was the positive energy and love Bijan Anjomi was talkin’ about, and not just the “I wanna sex you up” kind.
7:18 am on June 19th, 2008
wake up dreamin’ demon, wake up
wake up dreamin’ demon, wake up
we’ve all been tryin’ to sleep
wake up, dreamin’ demon and weep
you been snorin’ all night, it’s four o’clock and you gotta let go that sheep
wake up dreamin’ demon
wake up dreamin’ demon
it’s time to go hooome….
no, that is totally not positive energy. I still need caffeine.
7:45 am on June 19th, 2008
8:07 am on June 19th, 2008
helped & healed people? give me a fucking break. he needs to be shot
8:08 am on June 19th, 2008
They cross a line of commitment and then it’s all over for their brains.
Star struck — Bijanny was so kind to me! He spent time with me! When he looked into my eyes, I felt truly understood for the first time and he channeled all the love of the universe for my $500 — ooops! Did I say that? It must have been evil, nasty negative thinking. I need another session with Bijanny’s dazzling teeth erasing my mind with their glare!
8:22 am on June 19th, 2008
LOL.
8:40 am on June 19th, 2008
I enjoy your witty replies Wrybread.
9:28 am on June 19th, 2008
Thank you very much! But I think in this case I may have just been channeling one of Bijornny’s adorers.
9:35 am on June 19th, 2008
If you are still channeling them, can you ask if he really looks like a penis in real life? I know photographers can take artisitc license, but WOW. That is one REAL looking penis-man.
It has been eating at me since I saw his photo. If you get an answer. let me know, k?
9:48 am on June 19th, 2008
[...] If you’ve been raped by Bijan Anjomi, or you know anyone else he may have roped into one of Mr. Universe’s ‘personal coaching sessions,’ call the Toronto CrimeStoppers at 416-222-8477.” (link) [...]
10:09 pm on July 28th, 2008
So, no word on Bijan…I guess he is innocent afterall. Things are not always as they appear.
10:27 pm on July 28th, 2008
Ah hell! I forgot about the giant living penis with veneers!!
Just cause we didn’t update doesn’t mean he was found innocent. It just means that we haven’t looked at his case again.
We will get one of our highly skilled researchers right on it. I just hope that when they do update it, they don;t sticky it at the top. It took me a couple of days of therapy to get over the nightmares caused by his cartoonish looks. I don’t want his face the be the first thing I see when the site loads.
10:31 pm on July 28th, 2008
omg this is the best, thanks for the laugh I really needed it.
9:02 am on April 10th, 2009
Bijan Anjomi Cleared of All Charges
It is so typical of the media to play up the rape charges and then never report that the charges were dropped by the authorities a few months later. I posted the complete news article below but this man’s reputation has been destroyed by a flimsy assault charge that was not credible on it’s face.
As the original article notes two women came forward on the same day to report they were sexually assualted by Bijan on different days two years apart. One woman’s supposed assault was in 2006 and the other women making the charge was a patient of the first woman (who was a therapist). All of the charges were dropped by the authorities because there was no evidence Bijan did anything wrong.
This is just like what happened in the Duke lacross case – false rape charges are filed, the media circus begins, the alleged perpertrator is demonized and when it turns out the whole thing was false we never hear a word about it.
Men – wake up!! In the last two years have you ever been alone in a room with a woman? She can go and file sexual assault charges and say that 2 years ago you assaulted her in the room. Then the media and the blogs can post your picture and say what a creep you are and then never report that the accuser was crazy and you were innocent all along. False rape charges happen all the time and men have to start to stand up against this. Why weren’t these two women charged with manking a false police report?
So I hope you all had a good laugh humiliating and destroying the reputation of an innocent man.
Here is the story:
Local Author Accused Of Attacking 2 Women Cleared Of Charges
Updated: Sep 24, 2008 04:39 PM PDT
A local author and motivational speaker accused of attacking two women has been cleared of all charges.
Charges against Bijan Anjomi were dropped by a Canadian court.
Anjomi was accused of attacking two women in Toronto, during a conference.
He says that he plans to continue speaking at seminars and conferences now that his name is cleared.
Keep it tuned to Channel 13 Action News
11:39 am on May 5th, 2009
Local Author Accused Of Attacking 2 Women Cleared Of Charges
Updated: Sep 24, 2008 04:39 PM PDT
A local author and motivational speaker accused of attacking two women has been cleared of all charges.
Charges against Bijan Anjomi were dropped by a Canadian court.
Anjomi was accused of attacking two women in Toronto, during a conference.
He says that he plans to continue speaking at seminars and conferences now that his name is cleared.
Keep it tuned to Channel 13 Action News
11:44 pm on August 8th, 2009
I KNOW BIJAN IAM NOW APART OF THIS FAMILY! IM 2O & I MUST SAY YES IT IS A LIL WEIRD BUT AMAZING HOW HAPPY THIS MAN IS ITS INCREDIBLE! HE IS NO RAPIST YOU ALL ARE STUPID AND CRUEL THIS MAN LOVES EVERYONE EQUAL AND TRUST ME HIS WIFE IS THE HOTTEST WIFE HE DOES NOT NEED TO RAPE NOR CHEAT ON HER TRUST ME! HE IS NOT LIKE THAT NOR CREEPY LOOKING ALL OF THIS BULLSHIT STORYS ARE MADE UP FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO TRY AND GET A PIECE OF THE MONEY THE SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE MAKE THATS WHY THE CASE WAS DROPPED HELLOOOOOO TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS. THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING KIND HEARTED AND I FEEL LUCKY TO HAVE MEET HIM AND THE FAMILY! THEY ARE SO GENEROUS I AND WHEN IM AROUND THIS FAMILY MY ENERGY CHANGES AND I AM SO CALM AND RELAXED. I NEVER BELIEVED IN THIS KIND OF STUFF BUT ITS TRUE. ALL YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE AND WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN LIVES NONE OF IT IS TURE AT ALL BIJAN WOULDN’T HURT A FLY!
9:12 am on August 9th, 2009
Maybe instead of motivational speeches, he could spend some time teaching his followers some spelling, grammar, use of things like a space bar, return key and HOW TO TURN OFF THE FUCKING CAP LOCKS!
Wall of words, ignored.
R
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