Author’s Note: Sometimes I just get sick to death of babykillers and child molesters, so here’s a fun one. Bite me if you don’t like it. Happy Friday!
Daytona Beach Shores, FL - Five freshmen from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach tried to kidnap some alligators from the Congo River Mini-Golf on Thursday. That is awesome. It’s like a kegger, only without the beer, but with alligators, and kidnapping. What’s even better? They got caught on surveillance video.
These guys had to be drunk, right? But drunk or not, they showed up at the crime scene prepared. Kind of. Craig DeVries, George Grampp, Jesse Ramos, Thomas Shaughnessy and Eric Tatko had some stuff with them: a palm frond, some duct tape, a few tools. But they told police they really had “no idea” what they were going to do with the baby alligators once they stole them. Obviously they need to plan better if they’re gonna be aerospace engineers.
At 4:00am Thursday, security cameras caught the 18 and 19 year olds in front of the alligator pond. One assclown jumped the fence, got down on his stomach, and started fishin’ for gators. A few minutes later, another jackass jumped in while a third moron tossed them a roll of tape. The other two guys were lookouts. But a public safety officer drove by and saw our five stooges hanging around, which spooked them, so they ran. That’s how I know they had to be drunk, because everyone knows you don’t run from the cops.
Needless to say, the boys got caught, and now they are facing felony charges of “attempting to capture an alligator”. At my house, that would be a paying job, but whatever. All five freshmen bonded out of jail on Thursday afternoon, and are now going to get hell for this at frat parties for the rest of their lives.
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21 responses so far ↓
1
skeptical
Apr 18, 2008 at 11:19 am -ROFLMAO!! I would have loved to have been a witness to this! It had to be hilarious!
2
Kathy
Apr 18, 2008 at 11:30 am -Craig Devries hair reminds me of those Looney Toons episodes where Bugs Bunny would pretend to be female and would put a mop on his head for a wig.
3
LeeMouse
Apr 18, 2008 at 11:57 am -Ahhh…now there’s some tuition money well-spent. Their folks must be proud.
4
impqueen
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm -Don’t they know that engineering majors aren’t supposed to have fun? Sheez.
5
WryBread
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:12 pm -Blondie boy seems to be trying for the classic hot Surfer Dude look, but only achieved Christmas Tinsel Straw Boy.
6
WryBread
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:13 pm -Where are the defenders? “Freshmen aeronautical engineering students do not always make the best decisions.”
7
michelle
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:33 pm -Well hell, I have done some crazy stuff too. Nothing this stupid.
George and Thomas look like brothers, so do Eric and Jesse.
Skater boy is all left out.
8
Lizard
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:33 pm -I’m irked with whatever news organization put the photo display image together. Why not center the bottom two photos? Do we think we might be missing a 6th tard? Who trains these people in graphic design, anyway?
9
maryhaze
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:54 pm -this story makes me wish mamma or daddy gator had showed up. imagine explaining to friends & family how how lost your hands. idiots!
10
Lizard
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:58 pm -Okay, whoever changed the image–great job!!!
11
impqueen
Apr 18, 2008 at 12:59 pm -oh, that is just so much better. Thanks, Morbid.
12
Unamused Cat
Apr 18, 2008 at 1:07 pm -Fishin’ for gators. roflmao
13
Lizard
Apr 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm -Poor Craig, his MySpace says he’s “bored.” Poor us, his profile is set to private.
http://profile.myspace.com/ind.....d=33962287
14
WryBread
Apr 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm -Could these boys possibly look as stupid in daily life as they do in the photos? Or is this “I just got busted for stupid shit” shock on their faces? I don’t think we’ve ever had such display of potato-heads.
They look like that old game where you hold up a mirror so one-half of your face is reflected in the mirror — and you look oddly unhuman.
15
ashdavus
Apr 18, 2008 at 8:38 pm -The one in the red shirt looks like a penis wearing a wig!!
16
Harley_Tech
Apr 18, 2008 at 10:41 pm -The one in the middle on top looks like he “could” be related to Dumbo.
R
17
WryBread
Apr 18, 2008 at 10:49 pm -The one on the bottom left looks as if his tiny brain rolled to one side and pulled his head over.
18
WryBread
Apr 18, 2008 at 10:51 pm -The one in the middle of the lower row looks as if he’s trying to hide in a haystack.
19
Angel
Apr 19, 2008 at 2:20 am -Didn’t anybody ever tell these morons that if you really wanna catch an alligator, all you gotta do is dangle your arm in the water for a bit, while pretending to be bait? Once the bastard swallows your arm, you’ve got him! Which is good, because you will need that alligator hide to make the leather (or in this case gator skin) straps to hold your new prosthetic arm in place.
And I don’t know about assigning individual ‘looks’ for each of them….they all look like they were cut from the same cloth to me. Unfortunately moths had already gotten to it first and chewed holes in it, so after having the final stitches put in to hold all of the scarecrow parts together, the brains leaked right out the side.
20
bornagainpagan
Apr 19, 2008 at 7:04 am -Crikey! my post crashed so my brilliance is lost. here’s round 2.
Mini golf/baby alligators? remind me no to play on full size golf courses in Florida.
frat boys, duct tape and baby animals? After the Toddmeister, how can those three innocent elements not be combined by precedent to produce venomous outrage, off-colour jokes and babiigurl torch song defences?
21
WryBread
Apr 19, 2008 at 10:47 pm -I just watched the movie, Jackass, and I think I know where these guys may have gotten their ideas.
Difference between Hollywood and RealityLand? A trip to the police station!
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