Heather Funk Hits and Runs
April 14, 2008 by impqueen
Mesa, AZ – Heather Funk, 28, needs to stay the hell away from her driveway. On Saturday afternoon, a three-year-old boy was riding his tricycle on a Mesa sidewalk as his father watched. While crossing a driveway, Heather Funk suddenly backed out over the toddler – and left.
The little boy’s dad ran up to her truck and beat on the windows, trying to get her to stop, but Funk just kept on moving. The dad called 911 for his child, and gave police a description of the vehicle. The toddler was taken to St. Joseph’s Hospital and Medical Center in Mesa with severe head injuries and remains in serious condition.
I don’t know what Heather was thinking by running, but the police caught up with her a short time later, driving on a nearby street. She was clearly stoned, because nobody looks like that in a mugshot on purpose.
Heather Funk is charged with aggravated assault, leaving the scene of a serious injury accident and driving under the influence of drugs. No word on whether she’s still in jail, so if you’re in Mesa, drive defensively. Especially if you’re on a tricycle.
10:12 am on April 14th, 2008
Let’s shove whatever’s left of the tricycle she squashed up her ass….and twist it. But let the dad have a go at her first. He deserves first chance to fuck her up. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity myself. Anybody wanna help me out with a plane ticket?
10:14 am on April 14th, 2008
She looks like someone is pulling the sides of her face back. Like a facelift gone wrong.
Seriously though, I live in a neighborhood full of young families. This exact scenario is my NIGHTMARE. There are always people walking, skating or riding bikes on the sidewalk in front of my house. Of course, I am careful when I back out and not DRUNK. Dumb whore.
10:20 am on April 14th, 2008
Holy shit, she looks all kinds of fucked up. Peace and love baby, oh you’re going find plenty of it, where your fucked up ass is heading. Do your drugs, sister, but stay the fuck at home and far away from children. God these piss ass drug abusers give us law abiding drug abusers bad names.
Muahahahhahahha! Bitch.
10:54 am on April 14th, 2008
To the tune of “Georgie Porgie”:
Heather Funk smoked some weed
Hit a kid, and made him bleed
And then the daddy tried to stop her,
But she just ran like a mangy cur.
To the tune of “Jack and Jill”:
Heather funk backed down the drive,
And barely left the kid alive
But when the dad ran out that day
The fucking bitch just drove away.
To the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”:
Heather had a little weed,
And might have had some blow
And when she hit a little kid
She claimed she did not know.
She backed over the child that day,
Which was against the rules
The sorry bitch then drove away
Just another fucked-up fool.
To the tune of “London Bridge”:
Heather’s ass is going down, going down, going down,
Heather’s ass is going down, for mowing down a baby.
Take a bat and beat her ass, beat her ass, beat her ass,
Take a bat and beat her ass, for mowing down the baby.
To the tune of “A Diller, A Dollar”:
A bump and a holler, you’re nobody’s scholar,
What made you drive so soon,
You used to smoke at one o’clock,
But now you smoke at noon.
To the tune of “Little Miss Muffet”:
Little Miss Funk sat on her bunk
And smoked a little weed
Then she got in her truck, and said “What the fuck?”
Now a judge asks, “How do you plead?”
To the tune of “Hey Diddle, Diddle”:
Hey little smoker
A ten o’clock toker
What made you
Smoke that dope?
We’ll put you in jail
And send you to Hell
Using only a looped
Piece of rope.
To the tune of “Hickory Dickory Dock”:
Hickory dickory dock,
The bitch drove up the block
She ran over a child
With eyes stoned and wild,
Hickory dickory dock.
And another:
Hockory dockory dick
This bitch just makes me sick
Stoned as hell
She didn’t drive well
Hockory dockory dick.
11:56 am on April 14th, 2008
Angel hun…
You have waaaay to much time on your hands… Thank god for that…LOL
12:08 pm on April 14th, 2008
Angel, lol, thank you!
12:15 pm on April 14th, 2008
Not too much time on my hands – but with six kids, I have practically every nursery rhyme ever written memorized. *giggle* Just plug in a few ‘alternate’ words, and viola! Instant fucktard rhymes…
You’re welcome, Miss Hill!
12:58 pm on April 14th, 2008
Angel my dear I love you and your sense of humor. You brighten my fucking day girl!
1:06 pm on April 14th, 2008
Thanks, Mo4.
3:45 pm on April 14th, 2008
She looks like she could whup her weight in gorillas.
8:48 pm on April 14th, 2008
Kathy, you’re right. I believe her ears are tied in a knot behind her head.
Angel — You inspired me!
The itsy wisty toddler
Rode upon his trike
Out backed a car
And nailed him like a spike.
Away drove the bitch
Who sat inside the car.
But the angry, wangry cops soon
Brought her back again.
9:05 pm on April 14th, 2008
I’m so glad! And for the record – that was funny as hell! I’m still laughing my ass off…..tears….lots of tears…..I’m having trouble catching my breath.
9:13 pm on April 14th, 2008
Is that a chick? I mean seriously… she looks like a dude.
10:57 pm on April 14th, 2008
Mesa seems to be a locale popping up more regularly in these stories – is it becoming Ground Zero for all-round fucked up behaviour? I’d just liked to know whether I should pencil it into my next visit to the US.
11:24 pm on April 14th, 2008
She has that Aileen Wuornos stare.
11:45 pm on April 14th, 2008
The sick thing about it is, this fucking Bitch didn’t give a fuck about anyone but, getting herself out of there. When I ran outside because of the screaming, the baby was trapped under the truck and the trike was jammed under the truck. We all screamed and hit the truck and begged her not to move, that she was going to run him over again. When the father finally got him pulled out, the worthless piece of shit screeched off, with all of us banging on the truck trying to get at her. I hear she got out on $27,000.00 bond! I would love to meet up with her!!!
1:27 am on April 15th, 2008
Twizted,
You live there? How is the baby, I would love to have an update. The media are always so bland in their medical updates on the kids, if they bother to say anything at all. I understand if you can’t give out this kind of info, but whatever you could share would be appreciated. Tell the father that there are a lot of people praying for that little boy, and for him, as well.
I am sooooo sorry that you have the misfortune of living near such an extraordinarily large pile of shit! I hope she gets her ass kicked every day when she goes to prison. That bitch needs killing.
1:31 am on April 15th, 2008
Twizted, I’m so sorry you guys all had to deal with that…I would be completely traumatised, and totally fucking homicidal towards the skank.
1:45 am on April 15th, 2008
http://www.abc15.com/mostpopular/story.aspx?content_id=29846bb6-ac6f-486a-a019-13a61570175a
According to Mesa Police, the boy is expected to pull through and will need stiches on his head.
1:58 am on April 15th, 2008
I still say she needs to have her ass beaten – repeatedly, forcefully, and with extreme malice!
4:54 am on April 15th, 2008
He is going to be fine. He actually came home late last night. His skull was fractured between the eye socket and nose, and he had to have stitches down the back of his head. His arm is also wrapped up in bandages. He looks amazing for what he’s been through! His mother also confirmed that the Bitch did bail out! This is the second time she has hit someone with her vehicle! As a mother of two, she scares the shit out of me!! Do we really have another human being, a child, that we can sacrifice to this monster? I agree, she needs her ass beat repeatedly!!
5:02 am on April 15th, 2008
Thank GOD he is going to pull through. Oh my god, she needs to die. Seriously, please tell me they will revoke her license? Or that she will be in jail for a long long time?
7:43 am on April 15th, 2008
Thanks so much! I have been searching for an update and I am so glad to hear he will be fine!
I hope they nail her for this. She obviously has no respect for the law or human life.
8:02 am on April 15th, 2008
WTF this is not her first time hitting someone and she still has a license??
Please someone go get her kids and get them out now so they are not the next post read on here.
Thank Heavens that baby is ok and I will keep him and his family in my prayers
While continuing to Hope she gets all she has coming to her.
9:12 am on April 15th, 2008
Now, Solange honey, you know as well as I do that unless she backs over the judge with her truck, she will probably get little more than a slap on the wrist. She’ll be out of the courtroom after her sentencing, and probably give the judge a lift to his favorite midday eatery. Hell – if she smiles and offers to blow him, he may even buy HER lunch. What a totally fucked up system we have here….
9:42 am on April 15th, 2008
Revoking her license won’t keep her off the street–somebody like this doesn’t care if she’s driving legally or not. Same with multiple DUIs…if they cared, they wouldn’t do it again. (or in the first place.) She needs some long, hard jail time–that’s the only thing that will make the streets around her safer, at least while she’s incarcerated.
(I live in fear of something like this, myself. The family down the block always lets their small (pre-school age) children play IN THE STREET. Generally without mom or dad nearby, unless they’re watching from the front door and I just don’t see them. And this is despite the fact that they have a fenced back yard, so what the hell? Add in all the teenagers who just got their licenses and ROAR through the area, and it’s a disaster waiting to happen. Although, I’d like to think that any of my neighbors that actually ran over someone would stop and summon help.)
2:04 pm on April 17th, 2008
9:44 am on April 18th, 2008
Wow, a “love” t-shirt with a peace sign in the “O”.
I would love a piece of her. Meat helmet dumb ass.
1:24 am on April 20th, 2008
The crap is progressing! The whole reason that Heather Funk was in the neighborhood was to buy meth from the apartment across the street. Everyone has come together and let the people at the dope house know, that we are tired of all the bullshit she is bring to the neighborhood. Tonight another neighbor comes up and points out that the dope dealer is out on her porch taking pics of our kids! Are you for fucking real?! This resulted in a yelling match between me and the bitch, and then all the neighbors. Apparently, it is not against the law for your local drug dealer to take pics of your kids!! Unbelievable! Wonderful legal system we have here. Has anyone heard when Heather goes back to court?
8:06 am on April 20th, 2008
Thanks for posting to keep us updated, Twizted.
Funk was scheduled to be in court on Friday, April 18, for a hearing, but I haven’t seen an outcome of that yet.
How’s the little boy doing? I know it’s only a few days since you updated us, but I’m hoping he’s getting better.
9:24 am on April 20th, 2008
It has only been one week since this nightmare started, with that in mind, he is doing wonderful! He was out yesterday kicking a ball around with the other kids, and being a typical 3 year old. On the other hand, the family has been told that this is going to be a long process, that a close eye (medically) is going to be kept on him, to be sure there isn’t going to be any type of brain damage. Of course, he is very frightened of all cars now, and was afraid at first to come out and play. He has a one year old brother, and if he is outside, he keeps a very watchful eye on him, and even at one point was crying last night, and told his dad not to let the cars get his brother. I imagine this type of thing would take lots of years to get over, poor baby. I also had thought that Heather had court on the 18th, but now I can’t find anything else about her day in court. I hope that she doesn’t end up running!
9:38 am on April 20th, 2008
But then we could form up the DD Bounty Hunters League and hunt her ass down. Give her a few kicks to her aligator face, bounce her under a car a few times, then drag her ass behind said car, to the local police station. Then we can claim she was all jacked on Meth and we had to use force to bring her in.
9:44 am on April 20th, 2008
Hell, let her run – let her dig herself a real hole with the law that she can’t wriggle out of. Fucking ugly meth-whore. Courts may turn loose murders and rapists and meth-bitches who drive like suburban streets are smashup derby tracks, but they hate having their authority ignored.
And what’s with your dope-dealing neighbour? if she took a photo of my children I’d kick her cunt through the top of her head. Form a coalition of the willing and run her out of the suburb before another meth junkie kills or rapes a kid, or she turns her house into an incendiary device. Criminals don’t surprise me, but good people who seem to tolerate the ridiculous always have me shaking my head.
12:02 pm on April 20th, 2008
I agree with you Bornagainpagan. I’m guessing that is what provoked the photo taking yesterday. The neighborhood has finally come together, in an effort to clean up the neighborhood. (sad it took something like this to make it happen). I think she is finally feeling the stress (drug dealer), and some how in her warped mind thought her taking pics was building some type of case for herself. Believe me it took anther neighbor stopping me from beating the bitches ass! What do you do in a situation like this? I’m a single, hard working mom with two kids, who need me here, not locked up, for beating on someone. Then you have the police saying it isn’t against the law to take pictures of someone. Even if they’re children. Scary!
5:23 pm on April 20th, 2008
You’ll have to check with the Crocodiles and Snakes, for there is no Lizard in her, thank you very much. And honestly, something like this just isn’t in the Tortoises’ nature.
6:16 pm on April 20th, 2008
Given the increase in violence and sex drive, meth must amplify the region of the brain known as the amygdala oblongada (I think that is colloquially called the ‘lizard brain’ b/c it is the seat of primal impulses – no disrespect to the cute blue one).
That’s true. It’s a pain when the law won’t act for the community like protective parents act for their kids when they are in danger. I suggest a couple of strategies. A collective of neighbours form to drive out your drug dealer by:
Photograph/film and question every person who shows up at her house as to why they are there – she’s not the only one allowed to snap pics.
Make sure the cops have her under surveillance as a drug house and keep the pressure on them as to what they are going to do about it.
Keep asking her when she is going to relocate/change her ways.
if its public housing, call and complain, especially about the injury to the child and the potential for explosions if she’s cooking it up.
This is your neighbourhood, your children’s safety, and drug houses, especially meth and crack, put all of that at risk. There’s always a way, given enough will.
4:34 pm on April 29th, 2009
THIS IS FOR TWISTED!
TWISTED SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE ALOT OF INFO. ON WHAT HAS HAPPEN TO THIS BOY. YOU ALSO SOUND AS YOU WOULD BE THE MOTHER OR A CLOSE RELATIVE TO THIS CHILD. IT IS PRETTY SAD TO HEAR THAT HE WAS HIT BY THAT BITCH HEATHER FUCKER!! I LIVE HERE IN ARIZONA. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP AN EYE ON WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON.
I AM VERY HAPPY THAT C.H. WAS THERE TO HELP BUT WHEN I READ THE COMMENTS AND WATCH THE REPORTS IT SEEMS HE WASNT PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO HIM AT THE TIME THIS HAPPEN. WHEN THEY SAID THAT C.H. RAN TO THE TRUCK AS SOON AS IT HAPPEN HOW FAR AWAY WAS HE? AS FOR THE MOTHER WHERE WAS SHE AT THIS TIME?…I UNDERSTAND THAT SHE HAS ANOTHER CHILD A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BROTHER AND NOW SOON TO HAVE A LITTLE SISTER. IT WOULD BE GREAT IF WE CAN SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THINGS TO WHERE I CAN SEE A.D. YOU KNOW HOW TO CONTACT ME. HERE IS MY EMAIL chrissderby@live.com I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE HIM, LET THE PASS GO IM NOT THE PERSON I ONCE WAS. I NOW HAVE A DAUGHTER ON THE WAY AND I WOULD LOVE IT IF A.D. KNEW HER. PLEASE TAKE THE CHANCE, LOOK INTO YOUR HEART ITS BEEN A LONG TIME. IM COOL WITH C.H. AND ALSO WITH YOU, HOWEVER IT IS YOU WANT THIS TO WORK I AM WILLING TO DO SO!!! THANK YOU TO EVERYONES SUPPORT ON THIS AND A PERSONAL THANK YOU TO C.H. FOR BEING THERE FOR MY SON! TO R.R./R.H. LETS JUST TALK!
THANK YOU! THE FATHER OF THE BOY WHO WAS HIT
I LOVE YOU GLAD YOU PULLED THOUGH A.D!
10:57 am on April 30th, 2009
heather was funked up
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