So I totally reject the fact that I do not understand what its like to be a parent and have to worry and care about a child just because I did not push her out of my vagina!

I understand what you’re saying, I certainly don’t think it’s any different in either situation. When you have a child in your care whom you love, it’s all the same.

Absolutely. Once again, to reference my time in the hood – Low income housing communities tend to experience the familiarity that suburbs once enjoyed. They almost have to from a shared-resource perspective. Suburban families don’t have to ask for sugar or flour as often because they’ve likely got it in stock. When you’re out on your patio in suburbia, random people don’t have to walk across it to get to their own homes.

When I lived there, I knew every one of my neighbors. I might not have been on good terms with all of them, but we were all on a first name basis. There were little kids who would play at and in my house even though I didn’t have any kids of my own. On an occasion or two, we’d have to return an escaped toddler to their home. This was nothing unusual. If I scolded a child for misbehaving, the parents never responded in that arrogant, suburban, “how dare you discipline my child” way that seems to have grown common. Hell, hood parents need all the extra help they can get. Even though I didn’t have my own kids, I had expressed permission from three different households to spank theirs, if necessary (I never did, though).

The typical suburban “I don’t know my neighbors” complaint is self-fulfilling, to an extent. You don’t know your neighbors, therefore you are distrusting, therefore you don’t bother to get to know them. Do something about it. If not knowing your neighbors adds to your distrust of your surroundings, throw a block party. We are social creatures, human beings – we LOVE an excuse to get together and introduce ourselves. Too often, however, we wait for someone else to make the first move. How ’bout you be that person, for a change?

Asp, darling, you’re fabulous. Your opinion is real and heart-felt. The packaging it comes in is secondary.

thanks ~blushes~

And the side boob in your avatar is awesome.

lol yeah im HOT! lol

Sorry I’m not as good as Athena nor as eloquent as Kathy this is just IMHO.

And the side boob in your avatar is awesome.

Maybe it is that people in my position love and cherish just a tad bit more because things that you consider mundane are small joys for us. You think having to give a bath before bed is a hassle, I find that time I get to spend with my girls a treat. You have to hurry home and make dinner for the kids. I find this time with them all dressed in little aprons with flour all over the kitchen more fun and exciting than an amusement park. And if dinner is 30 minuets late because I had to show her 4 times how to crack an egg without getting shell in it….so be it.

My sister had my oldest niece when I was 13 she was 17, she dropped the baby of at my parents home. And went out to be 17, well like I said I was one of 3 that was responsible for the child, I had her until she was 4 and old enough to not be the bother that an infant was. So her mother decided to follow a dick to another state. And I nor my parents were not able to say anything to her because she was the “mother”.

So I totally reject the fact that I do not understand what its like to be a parent and have to worry and care about a child just because I did not push her out of my vagina!

Sorry I’m not as good as Athena nor as eloquent as Kathy this is just IMHO.

I found the “who cares if I smother them so badly they need therapy, at least they’ll be alive” to be especially disturbing and short-sighted. That kind of shit is crippling.

I believe too that there has to be a happy median. I certainly don’t want either of these things to happen to my child. Maybe I did jump the gun by saying that this father is in the wrong, all situations are different. As parents, I suppose you have to gauge how mature your child is, the area they will be spending time in, etc. I personally, let my son play in the yard by himself, since we live in a good neighborhood. I do find myself basically watching him through the window, out of paranoia, but I try not to let him see me. However, I dont think I would let my son walk around an apartment complex unsupervised. That’s just my personal opinion, I certainly don’t think the father did this out of negligence.

I should have been more specific. My comments about potentially crippling overprotection aren’t directed toward the parent who doesn’t let their 7 year old walk around an apartment complex alone. While I, personally, consider that to tend toward overprotection, it is, by no means, damaging, in my opinion. I spoke harshly initially because of the apparent shock and, perhaps, even disgust that was immediately shown at the thought of this man allowing his daughter to “walk it off”. Allowing a child to walk around in their own apartment complex should not be viewed with such distain.

My concern, however, is for the parent who won’t let an 8 year old play in their own yard without being right there, or the parent who won’t let their 12 year old play at the park at the end of the block. Both of these individuals have stated that they live in good neighborhoods. So, why the super short leash? These parents risk (”risk”, not “guarantee”) alienating their children (yes, those of us who had freedom as kids tended to exclude those who didn’t for obvious reasons) and stunting their child’s ability to develop. For what? A false sense of security. Your kid is still most likely to be victimized by someone they know and trust.

I found the “who cares if I smother them so badly they need therapy, at least they’ll be alive” comment to be especially disturbing and short-sighted. That kind of shit is crippling. And I get lectured about what is a healthy situation for a kid?

I was the legal guardian of my younger sister for three years, from the age of 15 on. For two years prior to that, however, I essentially had joint custody. She would stay with my parents during the week but spend weekends and vacation at my house. I was the liason during those two years between our family and the school and, occasionally, my family and the police. She also lived with me for a year after turning 18 because, as a result of flunking her freshman year of high school, it took her an extra year to graduate, and I insisted she get her diploma rather than a GED.

So, to recap – for 4 years I was completely responsible for her. For 2 prior to that, I was partially responsible for her.

Despite the fact that she was, essentially, “damaged goods” when I usurped custody of her and the fact that we lived in a less than desirable area, I recognized the necessity to give her some freedom. For all the reasons I’ve previously mentioned, there’s a big one I have not – Resentment. If a child grows to resent the person who cares for them, it compromises everything from their immediate behavior to the way they view relationships going forward.

Kids need to feel as though they are trusted at a reasonable level. That is part of a healthy relationship between a child and parent/guardian. In my experience, that feeling of trust is hard to establish when you don’t allow a child the opportunity to exercise their own judgment. If you instill your child with the knowledge of how to avoid strangers, the next logical step is to trust them with it.

Apparently, some parents don’t realize how crippling growing up under such paranoid and restricted circumstances can be. Sure smothering them won’t necessarily ruin them, just like giving them some freedom won’t necessarily cause them to be abducted and killed. The truth is, tons of parents walk this line every year quite successfully.

I will also say this, it rubs me the wrong way when someone who is not yet a parent (not someone who took care of someone else’s kid, but a parent) tells me that not letting my 7 year old wander outside alone is “crippling” him. I hope you can understand how that might make others feel.

We should also recognize that there aren’t just those who are over-protective and those who let their kids reign free, there are variations. I may not let my 7 year old walk around an apartment complex by himself, but that doesn’t mean that at 12 years old he is going to be the only kid looking out the window at the park across the street, watching all the other kids play when he can’t. We all have different opinions of when is too young, and some are extreme on both ends, and some are not.

How many of you self righteous, over protective parents out there let your child believe in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc.? Do you care at all that you spend the MOST FORMATIVE years of your childs life LYING to them all the while teaching them not to lie to you?? How many of you skate around the issue when your child asks you a tough question about sex or drugs or something of the sort? Do you not realize what you are doing? By lying to them, you are damaging your kids lives and making them doubt things you tell them for years to come!!! Trust me, they still love the holidays without the lies.

Holy crap! Calm down. I could be wrong, but what I believe she is trying to say is that taking care of a kid for someone else for a period of time is not the same as being a parent. Being a parent includes adopting and such. In Athena’s case, (sorry if i am incorrect), she cared for a sibling or family member for a period of time, possible a year or more. And although I dont agree with her point of view, I can understand how she has the experience to know about these things. I think that it is just the way she believes, and she would probably believe the same thing with her own kids.

I dont blame Cherry for her comments, it was the first thing I said as well when I had this discussion with Athena. I pretty much see where everyone is coming from, so let’s jsut chill out a little bit.

…Well, we obviously see how that decision turned out. Sorry, dude. You’re stuck. Well, unless you’ve got some other totally awesome true crime website to hang out at…Which I doubt.

…and why does it seem like I’m just responding to you, this morning? It’s, like, three different responses in three different articles.

Slow day at work :p.