Ronald Long Puts Hole in Wife
April 1, 2008 by swivel
DreaminDemon isn’t fond of mixing “mistakes” with “criminality”, but what do we do when someone is criminally stupid? We make fun of it! Ronald Long wasn’t thinking ahead when he killed his wife while hooking up his home with Satellite TV. After fumbling with several methods of getting a hole through his house, through which to run his cable, he decided to whip out his trusty .22 pistol.
After firing twice through the wall, he called out for his wife, Patsy Long, and got no response. He rushed outside to find that he had cleverly placed a hole in his wife’s chest as well! Great job Ronald!
The only good news here is that Ronald can now get a bigger TV, without having to stomach is wife’s bitchin’. And for those who think having handguns at home makes us safer, go make like a Dendrobaena rubida.
Now with yummy video goodness (he is never shown, but his neighbor is!)
4:28 pm on April 1st, 2008
After trying several methods? Did it ever occur to him to use a drill?
4:46 pm on April 1st, 2008
I’m guessing that was his “First Method”. Probably had it in reverse, or the battery was dead. And you know how long it can take to charge an old drill battery! More time than it takes to drive your wife to the hospital as she bleeds out in your old Impala…
4:52 pm on April 1st, 2008
Missouri Represent!
You know what happened. Morbid found that picture and saved it, just waiting for that perfect dumbass story.
4:53 pm on April 1st, 2008
Damn right my home is safer because there is not only one, but several handguns, hunting rifles and shotguns. Just because one dumb ass thought the only way to put a hole through his wall was with a gun, doesn’t make me or anyone else who owns a gun irresponsible, stupid or the need for us to “make like dendrobaena rubida”.
Stupid is stupid. And lets not forget, the whole ‘how she got shot’ could be a cup of shit – he may just be the first clever murdering asshole featured on DD.
I’m not saying stupid people don’t own guns and should not be allowed to have them. I am saying they are in no way a reflection of me and my choices. I would do as Kathy suggested – a drill, a hole saw, call someone who had more than one brain cell firing. He’s an idiot – has nothing to do with the gun. I takes a dumb ass to fire a gun into their own home, even for the sake of cable, no matter what. What else could stupid have hit – did he ever consider what if it passed through the wall and hit his prize tv. Don’t argue guns, with this as your example. Hell, if he is that dumb, I’m surprised he can find his way back home once he leaves – he probably has GPS – my bad.
Angel as you are so well spoken, can you and your baby glock – help the pooh explain how we are safer. I just feel I didn’t do it justice.
4:59 pm on April 1st, 2008
But, but, but…. i don’t wanna be an earthworm! It’s hard enough to type with one hand!
6:17 pm on April 1st, 2008
OMFG that is just a whole different kind of stupidness there, goddammit. Whoah!
“Awww dammit to hell, i didn’t mean to shoot her…I was trying to watch sum goddamned television” (spoken in my best dumb country boy voice)
6:25 pm on April 1st, 2008
You tell ‘em, Pooh.
I don’t know who “us” is, exactly. I’d hate to be lumped into the same catagory as the poor hag who married Ron “Cletus” Long, here. I mean, I’m not playing “blame the victim” or anything, but I hope to notice my man was half retarded before I marry him.
The fact of the matter is, EVERYONE is safer because I own a gun. The only people at risk of getting shot are criminals who directly threaten my safety. My ability to own a firearm should be no more limited by some jerk off who uses his to create holes in his house than my ability to drive a car should be impeded because some loser mistakes the gas for the break and plows into a pedestrian.
6:27 pm on April 1st, 2008
Man, it really is rare when I post a story, eh? The other day, Morbid thought that a story I posted was yours (he was naturally calling to tell me how brilliant it was), and now when I nail another one YOU are giving him all the credit.
That is my uncle Saul on the front porch of an old farmhouse that was dilapidating behind some family property. He really was taking a shit there, and his redneck wife (my real aunt, Saul was “married in”), is the one taking the picture.
6:29 pm on April 1st, 2008
Now with video.
6:32 pm on April 1st, 2008
nah, i knew it was you, i was just waiting to see if you read the comments. I win!
I’m all about the front-page threesomes, dude, it’s just so rare I get to enjoy them. Hang around and post some more, willya?
PS – I never got that mouthstick attachment you promised me. I’m typing with my tongue.
6:48 pm on April 1st, 2008
Ha! That’s what I get for not ever paying attention to WHO posts stories. I just assume they’re all Morbid’s. You people all sound the same to me. I’m just going to slink back into the forums, now.
6:57 pm on April 1st, 2008
I like you in the front page. That’s where we met
7:05 pm on April 1st, 2008
Did Ron get his coax run and satellite hooked up or not?
7:07 pm on April 1st, 2008
Yeah, I was much more active on the front page before Morbid cracked the whip. Now he’s hoodwinked me into this extra responsibility, so I occasionally peruse the front page looking for those imaginary errors and feel compelled to comment. :p
7:52 pm on April 1st, 2008
I like you in the front page too, Athena. But I like you in the forums, as well. Hell, I just like you.
And Swivel, Athena, Mr. Lieman, and others in the forum thread Swivel created for me *thanks, sweetie*, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to post to it yet today, but I had to make an unexpected trip to FL this morning/afternoon to get my 14 yr old from her spring break visit to her father. He called to tell me he couldn’t drive her home today, and wouldn’t be able to until this weekend, so I went ahead and drove down to get her myself. I wanted to read all the new ‘front page’ stuff before going to the forum, because I am addicted! Jonesin’ for my fix, man….I’ll try to catch up in the ‘proof’ thread’ before tomorrow, though. Can you ever forgive me?
8:01 pm on April 1st, 2008
Did he have cable out there? Considering the rest of his setup, I can’t imagine you’d ever get him inside again.
8:19 pm on April 1st, 2008
Pooh,
I don’t know if I can do it justice here in the short amount of time I have before bath-and-bed time for the kids. but here’s the abbreviated version until I have more time:
Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. If you take the guns from the criminals, they will use whatever other deadly weapon they can get their hands on legally (such as a knife, or a club) if they really want to kill. If you don’t believe it, just ask people in Britain. The more restrictions put on gun ownership, the higher the instance of close quarters violent crimes committed.
And those hell bent on killing someone, and wanting to use a gun to do it, will find a way to acquire one illegally. If you don’t believe that, just go ask any of the victims of drive by shootings, or robberies, or assaults in Washington D.C.; which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the U.S., and also one of the highest rates of gun violence in the U.S.
Guns don’t make people bad, people make guns bad, in some instances. Even with the small percentage of cases where that is the case though, there are many more instances of gun owners saving themselves, their families, and even strangers, by using their firearms judiciously in a dangerous situation.
Taking my gun from me will not make me safer, it will only make the criminal who is planning to attack me safer. Because you can bet your ass, law or no law, HE will have a gun. And I’m not nearly as accurate throwing a knife, as I am firing my Glock, if I should need to protect myself from an intruder who has a gun.
That’s all I had time for, for now. Maybe later?
And thank you for the compliment!
9:50 pm on April 1st, 2008
Exactly! So, let’s make it harder for them to kill people! Let’s have it take longer, so people can fight back or get away. And let’s get rid of the damn gadgets that keep killing people on accident. They are stooopid.
10:03 pm on April 1st, 2008
So, we need to get rid of all knives, bats, automobiles, household cleaners, clothes washers and dryers, and swimming pools too, then? Because all of those have been known to kill people by accident as well. Just askin’….
10:41 pm on April 1st, 2008
News Just In: Ronald ‘the schlong’ Long, famous locally for making long distance complaint calls to toilet bowl companies while using their product at the same time, really did shit himself after being jailed for shooting his wife, Patsy ‘Quiet -a’hm watching my stories’ Long nee Gubber.
‘Duh… guns don’t kill people, but bullets, well they’re just plain vindictive, no matter where you shoot ‘em. And I blame the System.’ twanged Ron as he was lead from court. Video footage clearly showed that Long’s lawyer, Carl Dickworth, had his hand up his client’s back at the time of the statement manipulating his voice box thingy.
Children watching are reminded that guns are not substitutes for actual tools or a good set of brain cells.
8:06 am on April 2nd, 2008
The argument being that our country is safer with hundreds of millions of guns floating around? I long for the day that criminals resort to bleach and swimming pools to carry out their nefarious deeds!
And accidents will never go away, but what sense is there in keeping something around that is only good for killing people? Especially when you are more likely to be killed with your own gun than you are to use it in self-defense? It is like we are all walking around with a cyanide capsule in our mouths and people are saying, “Yeah, but stairways kill people, too!”
8:20 am on April 2nd, 2008
Im so glad this was brought up. This is something that I have been debating myself (thanks again for the previous advice, Angel). I must admit though, part of me agrees with Swivel. Can someone point to some statistics that show whether there are more instances of people accidentally hurting themselves or family with guns, or with people defending themselves successfully with guns? I keep hearing one or the other, but which is it? Thanks!
9:58 am on April 2nd, 2008
See, my problem here is this….Asshat should have known that a coaxial cable wouldn’t fit through a .22 hole!
Moron.
10:30 am on April 2nd, 2008
People just never do the research, do they?
10:33 am on April 2nd, 2008
Don’t want to get into the gun debate on this thread. I would just like to add that our crime rate is much lower than the US’s and I believe the biggest factor is our strict gun control laws.
10:37 am on April 2nd, 2008
I heard this on the radio last week and really couldn’t believe it. How crazy, lets use the 22 to drill a hole.
Then I told me husband–not to get any ideas!! Ha
10:48 am on April 2nd, 2008
If you accidently shoot and kill your wife while trying to install a cable…
you might be a redneck.
I couldn’t resist.
10:53 pm on April 2nd, 2008
lol
11:42 pm on April 2nd, 2008
It wouldnt have been so bad if he hadn’t told her to go stand in front of the red X he marked outside of the trailer. lol…
11:54 pm on April 2nd, 2008
Oh, shit, good one! Someone call Jeff Foxworthy! I want part of the money you make off this!
12:23 am on April 3rd, 2008
That is TOO funny! Chalk another one up for Michelle.
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