And now police would like to talk to the guy. So would the lady whose pants he messed up.
CLACKAMAS, Ore. – The woman, 30-year old (name removed because we are cool like that), was shopping in the Sunnyside Road Target store in Clackamas with her 3-year-old daughter when she felt something hit her in the back of the pants. Turns out the man pictured above had been standing behind her masturbating, and then ejaculated on her.The man could face charges of harassment and criminal mischief. If evidence recovered at the scene is found to possess a sexually transmitted disease, a the charges could be upgraded. A store surveillance camera captured the man walking out of the store. He is described as white, in his late 20s to early 30s, 5 feet 10 inches tall and 180 pounds. He has short brown hair and a goatee. At the time of the incident, he wore a white, long-sleeve T-shirt, blue jeans and dark tennis shoes. He was also carrying a cell phone and possibly a wallet. Anyone with information on the man’s identity is asked to call 503-723-4949.
Had I known that the charges for doing this were so low, I’d have resorted to this tactic whenever I am in Target and two women have decided to block the aisle to talk about what type of karate their kids are currently taking. Surveillance cameras would show me chasing a screaming woman around the store. I’d be all hunched over, tongue sticking out, hand going back and forth like a baseball card in some kids bicycle spokes…it would be a blast. I’d deny everything just so it would go to court and everyine would have to watch the video. The laughter would be worth whatever sentence I recieved. Because after all, isn’t that what we are really here for? To make people laugh? And to shoot bodily fluids on people?
Isn’t it?
58 responses so far ↓
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1
impqueen
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:24 pm -Thing is, had she slapped the shit out of the guy, her charges probably would have been worse than his are.
So bust out that lawn sprinkler move, Morbid, and take the show on the road. I’ll charge admission. And hide my eyes.
2
Morbid
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:26 pm -Don’t hide them, just close them.
3
aspartame
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:31 pm -because i have two rules. not in the face and not in the hair!
4
Jack Shizz
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:36 pm -That is beyond repulsive. Lock this freak up.
5
michelle
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:42 pm -*teehee*
It’s wrong and who knows what other crazy shit this guy has done, but I can’t get the thought of Morbid running around after women with his johnson out pumping away moanin “dreamin demon dreamin demon dreamin demon”
I know, I know. Not funny. That takes some real balls.
Oh yeah.
6
mm_classy
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:43 pm -OMG I would totally gross out! I think I’d throw up on the spot.
7
aspartame
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:52 pm -When I was younger like 5th, 6th grade we were in the book store of the mall it was me and my friend. We were being normal girls and laughing and giggling and being stupid. Well all of a sudden mall security came running in and tackled a guy sitting in the corner about 5 feet from us. what he was doing was jerking off and following us around the store. And the clerk saw him and called.
At that time I had no idea what masturbating was nor why anyone would do it in public, but now when I think about it me and my friend could have been in a whole lotta danger.
8
impqueen
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:53 pm -It burns! It burns!
9
impqueen
Mar 11, 2008 at 4:56 pm -That would be really scary for a kid, not to mention weird. You’re lucky the guy got tackled. And all this time Morbid kept telling us it was an old football injury.
10
aspartame
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:01 pm -but even after it happened i was totally clueless why the security was asking us strange questions….did anyone touch you?? that kinda thing. we thought we were in trouble for somthing. lol i did not even tell my mom who was there with us cause i thought we were busted for somthing.
11
nurseronda
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:03 pm -A Target store has shears for sale, too bad someone didn’t see him and grab pair and use it on this creep. He can’t play with it if he has nothing to play with.
12
michelle
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:06 pm -It is a “Target store”. Big red bulls eye.
Apparently he hit his target.
13
Kathy
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:25 pm -The guy in the pic is wearing a SHORT sleeved shirt…
Now, you know when she felt it hit her pants, the first thing she did - like any of us would do -was to reach back and swipe her hand across the area. Ack! I think I’m gonna be sick.
If I was this woman, I would ask if I could give him a good kick in the balls when they caught him…from a professional soccer player…wearing steel toed boots.
14
Angel
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:25 pm -The bad thing about this, is pranks like this are the equivalent of a ‘gateway drug’, to sex offenders. I guess you could call it a ‘gateway sex act’. Most guys who end up as rapists or child molesters probably started out doing shit like this. Soon, the act loses it’s ‘excitement factor’, and they have to move on to bigger and better thrills.
This guy was probably the president of the “Future Perverts of America” in high school, or was voted “Most Likely to Become Bubba’s Bitch in Prison”.Pervs like this need to be dealt with swiftly and harshly. Maybe if we catch them in the ‘baby stages’ of sexual deviance, we could prevent some of them from progressing to full blown (or jacked, as it were) sex offenders.
15
Unamused Cat
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:26 pm -Ewwww….. They need to check the DNA registry on him.
16
Angel
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:33 pm -Oh, and from the picture, it seems hard to tell what ethnicity the guy is. He looks kind of Puerto Rican to me, or maybe even Hawaiian. He could be a really tan white guy, or a light skinned black guy. I guess the woman he ‘marked’ probably got a good look at him, though, and gave a description to the cops?
Anyway, you’d think that with all of the technology we have available in this day and age, we would be able to get a better picture of these assholes when they’re caught on camera. It seems the pics we get from these cameras often create more questions than answers. Just an observation….
17
crunchieapple
Mar 11, 2008 at 5:34 pm -How long was this NASTY dude doing this within that lady’s “personal space”? I wonder if he was nearby when he got started then moved in closer to her & her child…just gives me the CREEPIES! I get grossed out with the thought of touching the shopping cart handles.
What the HELL is wrong with these WEIRDOS? Target isn’t exactly a SEXY place to get your JOLLIES…
18
Morbid
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:03 pm -Some reports are saying that he wasn’t actually masturbating behind her, but rather he had already finished and then WIPED the shit on her pants as he walked by.
19
Angel
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:08 pm -Ewwww….that’s even more disgusting!!! *gags and runs to give an offering to the porcelain god*
20
crunchieapple
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:10 pm -YUCK! That’s worse than wiping a booger on someone!
In High School, when I worked at Dillard’s Dept Store—I would hear about DUDES that would go into the fitting room to get their “jollies” and the Ladies that worked in that dept said they would find the “evidence” on the fitting room mirrors!!!
21
crunchieapple
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:16 pm -UPDATE: Deputies said 25-year-old Ricardo Jose Faulk turned himself in and was cited for harassment Tuesday afternoon.
Hispanic guy? Ricardo Jose?
22
WryBread
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:19 pm -I’m an adult and I know what masturbating is, but I STILL don’t know why anyone would want to do it in public! I guess some things a person is lucky to never learn!
23
WryBread
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:22 pm -Wiping his hand on her was like using her to wipe his anus. A gesture of disgust and hatred toward all women. Angel is right — this guy is practicing to be a murderer of women. He’ll work his way up to it and the legal system will let him do it. We can be pretty sure of that by looking at how other murderers evolved.
24
Wonder
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:27 pm -Oh wow, good for him !
I didn’t think he appeared white in that photo neither - Ricardo ?
25
Nyrak
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:31 pm -Hmm…if i were that woman, i don’t know what i would’ve done…my natural bitch instincts would’ve taken over and i would’ve probably punched him in the throat. Asshole.
26
Nyrak
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:32 pm -Hopefully i’d break his esophagus and he’d choke…after I wiped his jizz all over his fucking face….asshole.
27
Nyrak
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:33 pm -ASSHOLE
28
WryBread
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:48 pm -Another instance in which nature is unfair to women. If I were to take up this tactic to clear the aisles in stores, it just wouldn’t have the same effect — no squirt to inspire spurt of moving aside. Only breast-feeding mothers could use this tactic and having a baby just so you can get down the aisles at Target is a very bad reason for having a kid, I guess.
29
Angel
Mar 11, 2008 at 6:50 pm -Favorite word, Nyrak? It fits!
30
impqueen
Mar 11, 2008 at 7:01 pm -Ricardo Jose Faulk, in the, um, flesh.
31
crunchieapple
Mar 11, 2008 at 7:32 pm -If he was brazen enough to do that, then next time he’ll be sexually assaulting a woman or child…
Not that it’s in the same league, but you don’t see women walking around flinging their bloody tampons at strange dudes in major retail chain stores.
32
WryBread
Mar 11, 2008 at 7:32 pm -Step-stair eyes — slight case. Ears normal. Mouth a little saggy. Overall impression — stupid beyond belief, but still capable of producing sperm. Missing link throwback?
33
WryBread
Mar 11, 2008 at 7:34 pm -If they did, it would certainly freak men out. Might be good for some of them.
34
Angel
Mar 11, 2008 at 7:39 pm -Very astute scientific observations on this one, Wry! I’m giving you a raise, and a promotion. Woo-hoo!
35
So Jaded
Mar 11, 2008 at 8:17 pm -I wanted to post this one in the forums this morning but I couldn’t find an article with enough information. Besides that…it made me feel a little slimy.
36
stevierae
Mar 11, 2008 at 8:35 pm -I live a stone’s throw from there. I just heard that he’s turned himself in to the sheriff’s department–multiple people called them to say that they recognized him, and to furnish his name and address. According to the local news, they were on the way to his house to arrest him when he turned himself in. So far, all he’s been charged with (at least per the radio) is–get this–”harassment.” I’m sure he’ll be facing quite a few more charges once this lady gets a lawyer.
I remember reading a true story on a nursing blog of a “dirty old man” in a nursing home who had a pattern of calling the youngest, most recently hired aide over and ask her to lean in close; closer, closer, supposedly because he wanted to ask or tell the young lady something but, being “hard of hearing,” needed her to stand very close so as to hear her response clearly.
As the newest, unsuspecting young lady leaned in–close, closer, closer–the gentleman would suddenly cackle, pull out his penis (which he’d been fondling all this time, under his robe, or under the table) and ejaculate in her face.
LOL, I remember a time I was prepping an elderly man’s arm for arm surgery, and he suddenly lifted his head up, turned his upper body (the safety strap over his thighs prevented him rising up fully) toward me, and tried to bite my nipple (which was, of course, covered by a scrub top.)
This guy–the Target guy—has probably done this multiple, multiple times before–this is probably just the first time he’s been noticed/caught.
37
Morbid
Mar 11, 2008 at 10:35 pm -I can’t wait to get old.
38
Angel
Mar 11, 2008 at 11:24 pm -Morbid - you’re sick, man. Which happens to be one of your most endearing qualities…
39
WryBread
Mar 12, 2008 at 12:05 am -Grabbing a last thrill on the way to the cemetary ….
40
nurseronda
Mar 12, 2008 at 12:16 am -I could not agree with you more after what happened today at my facility. The call bell rang and the male patient sounded like he was in distress, so I went to answer it because the CNA’s were very busy. I walked into his room and noticed blood all over his sheets. I asked him what happened as I pulled the sheets off his body and blood was squirting so I proceeded to try and stop the blood loss. He had four very deep scratch marks where the blood was coming out of his body. I quickly called for the nearest CNA and she came running. I told her to get some ice to help lessen the blood flow. The male is 83 years old and his skin tears easily. I was listening to him as he explained what happened as his cheeks turned a dark shade of red. He was in his bed, playing with himself and got excited and his fingernails tore him up. I figure that you all know exactly where the blood was coming from at this point in this story so I won’t go into details. Once the blood was slowed down, it was time for me to call the doctor so we could transport the male to the hospital for stitches. It was very hard to explain to the male patient’s doctor what happened and how he cut himself, without laughing, but I did it. The doctor could be heard rolling on the floor laughing, while I was explaining how the injuries happened. Needless to say, the patient was sent out and came back with stitches. Later the doctor made rounds at my facility and stopped by to see this patient. I heard the doctor say, “So what are you going to play with now, since you broke your toy?” That did it; I left the room and ran to the nearest storage closet, with tears in my eyes.
41
Angel
Mar 12, 2008 at 12:24 am -ROFLMFAO!!!!!! *wiping tears from face*
42
Unamused Cat
Mar 12, 2008 at 12:40 am -I could never be a nurse.
43
crunchieapple
Mar 12, 2008 at 1:02 am -Eeeuuuww! Old guys in their 80’s masturbate??? I guess I thought the urges go away when you get to be very old…yuck! The image is quite disturbing!
44
Wonder
Mar 12, 2008 at 1:26 am -I totally lost it … omg
Wry I do believe those ears are slightly low !
I am aware men in their 70-80’s still have a sex drive but … to tear yourself with your fingernails enough so you must have stitches that seems bazzar … does the CNA or you Ronda have to trim this mans nails ? mark his file to keep nails short !!! That sounds like awhole lot of blood there.
45
nurseronda
Mar 12, 2008 at 1:38 am -You can’t do what they tell you not to do when they are in their right minds, which he would not allow the CNA or a nurse to trim his nails, but after this, it would be my guess that he will let the CNA trim his nails from now on.
46
LeeMouse
Mar 12, 2008 at 2:41 am -Speaking of…
http://music.aol.com/photo-gal.....ows-tampon
Get Ricardo to an L7 concert, stat.
47
Wonder
Mar 12, 2008 at 6:40 am -DATE: August 28, 1992
OMG for real you know morbid and Imp will want that pic for their gallery. LOL wonder how many of the females happen to have theirs along that nite.
that is a kewl piece of work… thanks for sharing the link
48
bornagainpagan
Mar 12, 2008 at 7:25 am -‘Fluid spill,aisle 3.Clean up guy to aisle 3′
49
solange822001
Mar 12, 2008 at 9:48 am -It is really shocking how often things like this happen. I remember when I was in middle school my mom called the cops because she was walking around the neighborhood, and caught a guy in his car masturbating while watching her. I dont know the details, but something to that effect. I remember going to some event or concert on South Beach, Everyone went to leave at the same time, and it was a huge crowd fighting to get toward the entrance. The whole time I could feel someone right up behind me with a hard on, and no matter how fast I tried to move or try to get in front of someone else, he was right there behind me. I think at one point I got away and turned around but couldnt really figure out who it was. That was when I was like 19. If it was now, I would have spun around and punched him in the balls.
50
suki1435
Mar 12, 2008 at 10:22 am -Smile for the camera buddy! You look pretty normal to me, well now the whole world will know what a sick f*** you are!
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