Kristian Allen Carl Has A Great Line
February 9, 2008 by impqueen
Unfortunately, he used it on a minor.
Pottsville, PA - Kristian Allen Carl, 19, told a 15-year-old girl that he was a vampire-werewolf hybrid being, and that therefore she should totally do him. What’s either funny or sad is that she bought it. And according to police, so did he.
“He convinced himself he was a hybrid — a combination werewolf and vampire,” said Pottsville police Sgt. James Joos. “He had convinced the girl he was, too.”
Carl won extra-special dumbass points for showing Joos his canine teeth to prove his story that he was, in fact, a genuine vampire/werewolf. “I let him know that all mammals, including humans, have canine teeth,” Joos said. Carl also told police he had a “guardian dragon that protected him from evildoers.”
In a surprise twist, the girl said that she was Carl’s girlfriend and that she was dating him on purpose. Carl stated that he had been aware of the girl’s age and knew he could get arrested for having sex with her. Kristian Carl remains free on $25,000 unsecured bail for statutory sexual assault.
10:53 pm on February 9th, 2008
Eh. Ok, so he’s a weirdo. But this, to me, borders on the Genarlow Wilson case. This guy may be pushing it a little with the 19/15 spread, but it’s not that “off”. Seriously. What if he were 18? 17? When I was 15, my friends and I definitely hung around some 18/19 year old recent grads. Yes, I know it’s technically a crime. But if it’s consensual, I don’t think this boy deserves to have his life ruined over the sex.
Now, someone should see to it that he gets some appropriate counselling…or obedience school, as the case may be.
11:03 pm on February 9th, 2008
Oh, i don’t know that this kid deserves jail time at all. If anything, he should get probation for using such a bad line.
What i’m wondering is whether Carl actually believes everything he told the cops, or if he’s just smart enough to realize that appearing that stupid might get him off the hook. Sometimes i post stuff not because it’s so criminal, but because with all the crap we weed through on a given day, sometimes it’s just fun.
I linked to his Myspace. He looks like he might wanna be Morbid when he grows up. Whether he has the cerebral fortitude is another matter, but at least his skulls are in the right place.
Heh.. obedience school. You rock, Ruby.
11:36 pm on February 9th, 2008
Riiight, and I guess his girlfriend was actually a ghoulfriend huh?
I am surprised this kid was able to step away from his fantasy video games enough to actually get laid. I am sure he is an idol to many geeks worldwide and should probably be congratulated, not punished, for losing his virginity finally and being able to obtain someone in the real world’s interest for this long.
11:53 pm on February 9th, 2008
I think if she had found him to be an unattractive werewolf-vampire hybrid, she would not have had sex with him. She just dug him.
If he believes his own hype, then it must have been a big disappointment to learn that we all have canine teeth. What can he use as proof now? Especially if he never turns into a bat at night or wolf at the full moon — but that might be the hybrid part of the situation. He got the human part of the genetic package and didn’t get the neat shape-shifting abilities.
12:06 am on February 10th, 2008
I guess this is what you get when you let your kids watch “Underworld” too many times, they start believing what they see.
12:19 am on February 10th, 2008
Gosh, when I was 15 I had a boyfriend that was 18 or 19. I didn’t feel like I was being taken advantage of. Hmmmm? Was I? LOL!
12:24 am on February 10th, 2008
It is a defense, in Texas, if the dumbasses are within 3 years of age.
12:27 am on February 10th, 2008
anyone else think he looks like Buzz off the old Home Alone movies?
1:02 am on February 10th, 2008
Im so stealing that line.
10:04 am on February 10th, 2008
He looks like he needs to shower or wipe that face off his head.
10:53 am on February 10th, 2008
I think he has been watching too many horror movies.
12:16 pm on February 10th, 2008
I’ve been thinking about this. After all, my grandmother was married when she was 15 and my grandfather was in his 20s. I guess the law is a statement that young women may be capable of choosing wisely, but are also more apt to be taken advantage of by men with greater experience in seduction. They have to draw the age lines somewhere. So it’s a sort of guess at how mature “most” girls are. In the 1950s, when it was rather chichi to get married at 16, a 19-year-old boy might be seen as good catch. Dunno.
His line/mistaken-thinking that he’s the offspring of dark forces would worry me about his suitability for my teenaged daughter no matter what his age!
12:53 pm on February 10th, 2008
Yeah they just used the age thing because there’s no legal way to prosecute him for his much-maligned werewolf ethnicity. Dam Equal Opportunists are giving rights to everybody
1:00 pm on February 10th, 2008
Thanks for this story. I laughed out loud. What a couple of dumb ass kids. “Mmmmm baby, fuck me, I have big canines, for I, I am a super powerful being….muhahahahaha”
They’re stupid kids, but damn, when I was 15 my boyfriend was 19. Ended up marrying the guy when I graduated nursing school. I don’t think this kid should be convicted of anything….well, unless they got a law now against blatant stupidity.
1:06 pm on February 10th, 2008
Nevermind movies or video games. The REAL blame here rests squarely on the shoulders of Toyota exec’s. They should have known what would happen when they introduced the Prius. Now they’ve even got 15 year olds convinced that Hybrids are the right thing to do!
1:07 pm on February 10th, 2008
Dear God, that is funny!!!!!!
1:10 pm on February 10th, 2008
Now that is soooo funny!!!….I actually own a Hybrid.
1:11 pm on February 10th, 2008
Not male of course…lol
11:46 pm on February 11th, 2008
“Hey, Baybuh……I’m half donkey and half horny toad…….uh,huh,huh…..”
2:15 am on February 12th, 2008
*runs and hides* lol
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