And he is headed to a juvenile detention center because of his involvement with the death of fellow classmate, Dakota DeRemus (pictured). A classmate that is alleged Howard had been bullying for some time.
GARDNER, Kan. – Dakota DeRemus, 16, was found lying dead near a play area behind some apartments. An autopsy showed that DeRemus had a heart condition and that he had been involved in a fight. Gardner was later arrested and charged with involuntary manslaughter. Johnson County district attorney’s office is seeking to have Howard tried as an adult. Howard was ordered held in juvenile detention after a court hearing Wednesday. At the end of the hearing, DeRemus’ father yelled at Howard’s parents while being detained by police.
“Two years! Two years your son has been bullying my son.”
School officials admitted that they were aware of the DeRemus’ family’s complaints about bullying but also stated that the DeRemus family had asked that no other information be released and so they could not comment any further. However, DeRemus’ mother released a statement in which she states her son was beaten to death by people who bully others, and also talks about the school the students attended, and the numerous complaints and warnings they had filed in regards to Howard’s bullying of their son.
Howard’s next court appearance was scheduled for Feb. 19.
Now this family has to suffer through the loss of a child, they will also have to live with the frustration of knowing they tried everything legal to stop the actions that ultimately contributed to his death.
DeRemus’ family issued the following statement:
My family and I are in so much pain that just cant be described by the tragic and early loss of our Dakota. Our Dakota was only 16 years old.
He was the most loving and caring son a mother could ever imagine. This holds true as a brother, a grandson, nephew, and as a friend. As a single parent that has struggled, Dakota was my inspiration. He gave me hope and together we had envisioned a future for him.
Our Dakota had so much to live for and he was looking forward to many of the things that 16 year olds do: going to a dance with a girl; riding bikes with his friends; learning to drive; and going to the movies. He had such ambition to make a difference in this world by going to college and then attending law school.
I feel very blessed that as a family, we had the opportunity to spend our holiday break together with Dakota on vacation and our memories will forever be filled with Koty decorating the tree; being on the beach; and sitting down and laughing with his family during our Christmas Dinner.
However, for me, those memories will forever be shadowed by the dark cloud of my son being beaten to death by those that choose to bully an innocent teenager. Murder is the only way we can describe this incident with the facts that we are aware of. The fact that a group of four bullies joined together and apparently decided to videotape his beating and death, demonstrates to me that they knew that they were going to kill him.
Furthermore, their apparent actions of running away after he fell to the ground without calling for any help further shows not only their character, but their intentions all along. By lessoning the charges, this serves as no warning to any future person that decides to bully another.
My family and I are at a loss of words for the repeated warnings to the parents and The Gardner-Edgerton High School. They had been placed on notice many times by Dakota and myself. We would kindly as that the superintendent of the Gardner School District investigate this situation to ensure that no other child or family goes through what we are experiencing.
I continue to see everyone commenting on Dakotas heart condition and I am concerned that individuals are using this for their own personal agendas such as keeping their client out of jail. Instead, what really should be focused on is the manner in which these cowards treated my son, especially if they did indeed videotape his beating and/or his death.
I would also like to thank friends, family, neighbors and the community for the out-pouring of love and support. It has meant so much to us. We are also very grateful for all of the efforts of the Gardner Police Department and Johnson County Sherriffs Office for the handling of Dakotas murder investigation in such a professional and compassionate manner. We hope that immediate charges will be filed against all individuals involved in this case.
9:23 am on February 7th, 2008
I don’t know why some kids think its so funny to be mean as cat dirt.
The poor parents did tell the school and the other parents. I’m sure they will question the actions they didn’t take and wonder about the ones they did for the rest of their lives.
I think its only fair that this little bitch be reminded of what he caused on a daily basis, as well.
9:28 am on February 7th, 2008
I just graduated high school two years ago, and I remember picking on boys at the playground but NEVER was there an actual bullying issue like this. There was some simple teasing and words, but never actual beating up and harassing constantly. My brother is in the 5th grade and has already been in fist fights and been teased badly enough to where he feels the need to get physical.
what is it with kids this days? and why arent the parents teaching their children respect? I dont get it, now a boy has lost his life over some insecure child who wanted to pick on someone.
10:05 am on February 7th, 2008
I was little in school and was picked on a lot. (okay so I was probably a little different too) It wasn’t until I developed some muscle …..14 or 15 and could finally fight back, before I stopped getting picked on. The worst time for me was 5th-8th grades. Changing schools etc. One of the reasons I home schooled my daughter from 1st-4th grade was she got picked on in kindergarten. When she felt ready, we sent her to public school. Granted, we’ve also lived in a rural area the last two years so I was more comfortable sending my daughter to a smaller school.
I home school my 5 yr old right now.
Kids should be able to go to school without all the bullshit. Bully’s suck.
10:11 am on February 7th, 2008
I’ve been reading on this -it was known that Dakota had a heart problem. This kid basically challenged him to a fight. There was a circle of kids watching, and cell phone video of him getting hit in the chest and back repeatedly.
Now…let me just compare for a minute. A few years ago during the hockey play offs- a full fledged athlete with no health problems was his in the chest by a hockey puck and his heart actually stopped briefly. He ended up okay….but its *that* easy.
Imagine having a bad ticker and being hit over and over…Jesus.
10:12 am on February 7th, 2008
If this has been going on for two years and the school was notified then I am sure the punk ass bullies parents were notified. Sounds like they did nothing to stop it. It can’t bring their son back but it sounds to me like a wrongful death civil suit. Even if I didn’t win I would thoroughly enjoy dragging their family name through the dirt.
10:13 am on February 7th, 2008
This happened close to DeRemus’s home, apparently before/after school so I don’t think the family has grounds to sue the school district for failing to keep DeRemus safe. I wonder if the parents ever took it up with LE. I’m sure theDeRemus can go after the parents of the bully, if he is tried as a juvenile, but as an adult, I’m not sure. I’m lucky that my youngest (12, almost 13) is the type that is kind to animals and takes up for the underdog. He has never been bullied, but that could be because at 12 he is 6′ tall and weighs 185 lbs. I’m 5′6″ and he towers over me.
10:33 am on February 7th, 2008
I am talking about suing the parents for their juveniles actions- they were aware if it. Why didn’t they stop it?
10:42 am on February 7th, 2008
Sounds like the dad should have had a chat with the bully’s dad.
My son, was bullied for a short time in Kindergarten. The teachers, bus driver, and the principal, all contacted the bully’s mother. Nothing stopped.
I went to school, his teacher and myself came up with a letter stating something like this……..
Dear Ms. XXXX
Ms. XXXX is here with me today to address this issue with her son and yours – and that this action had been taken and that action had been taken, to no avail. (Then, the last paragraph), Ms. XXXX feels that we have exhausted every means possible with you and XXXX (the bully kid). It seems you are unwilling to cooperate and resolve this issue. I feel it is my duty, to inform you that Ms. XXXX has your name and number and has found out where your home is located. Ms. XXXX has stated that if your child upsets her child, XXXXX (my son), again, that she will be personally to see you.
It went on in further detail, stating how it was not a threat, that she felt it her “duty” to warn her, blah, blah.
Either way, I was contacted by the mom, who was bold on the telephone, but didn’t have shit to say when I slid in her driveway and threw the truck door open. It was I’m sorry, he won’t do it again, oh I didn’t realize – shit like that. So during our face to face, I made it perfectly clear, if her son upset mine – I would upset her until she got a handle on her brat.
A lot of times, a bully’s parents were bullies themselves and think its okay. But just like most bullies, when confronted and they must actually fight someone, it ends. I wish the boy’s dad would have found it necessary to go see the bully’s dad – I’m not blaming him – I’m just saying when the school cannot produce results – sometimes you have to get off your ass and go see some parents yourself.
I don’t know maybe you can do that kind of stuff if you live in a one horse town like I do. Maybe that wouldn’t apply to their situation – I just know my kid would not be bullied for over a year without me sticking my nose in somewhere in somebody’s business.
10:53 am on February 7th, 2008
Had some new neighbor kids on our culdesac. Bad kids with no guidance or discipline. Well one of the kids was throwing rocks and hit my car. I called the kid on it and told them to go home and stop throwing rocks around my car.
Next thing you know mother or aunty is outside in my face. It went nowhere her stating if she wasn’t pregnant she would wip my ass…
of course my reply was she would never be able to wip my ass under any circumstances. They moved within months.
Just an example of how you can try to talk to people, do the right thing and they won’t see. The kid was wrong and nothing was done.
11:01 am on February 7th, 2008
This kind of SHIT makes me so FUCKING ANGRY!!!
My son was bullied in Catholic school by several different students AND 2 teachers AND the principal. When I complained about the students to the teachers, they did nothing but harass him and verbally attack me IN FRONT OF HIM! The principal singled him out for punishment. And to top it all off, when I complained to the parish priest…the FUCKER sided with the teachers instead of doing something about it. Nice stance on harassment(some of which was sexual) from an organization already under fire for abuse.
I pulled my kids from the school after I found out what was going on and then the students there still felt the need to write nasty notes to each other and BLAME HIM because he was there for youth class one night a week. They don’t even go for that anymore.
Kids from this school also picked on him at Boy Scouts and framed him to look like he stole another kid’s money at summer camp. Fucking little assholes make me sick! And the teachers claim that they are teaching christian principles in that hellhole. BULLSHIT!
We’re moving out of state in 2 weeks and my son couldn’t be happier. How many 13 year old kids DO NOT complain about moving cross country and leaving all their friends?
I’m sick of this kind of shit going on. First kid that bullied him in public school had the police show up on their doorstep. I let the pros deal with the assholes who don’t teach their kids respect for others. After that story circulated the school, kids aren’t trying to hit him anymore. Now we just have girls calling him names like “whore”. My mother would have kicked my ass if I had EVER spoken to anyone that way. I told him the next time a girl calls him whore to tell her ‘That’s man-whore to you, idiot.’ and walk away.
Sorry for the rant. I’m putting down my billy club and stepping away from the comment box now
11:03 am on February 7th, 2008
What frustrates the hell out of me is that this kid had a heart problem and could in no way fight back with out risk.
I try to teach my daughter to handle things the “right” way first, if that doesn’t work out, fight back. This kid didn’t even have that opportunity.
Keyword here is LEGAL. No joke. I would have no problem stepping over that line to protect my child.
11:16 am on February 7th, 2008
Just a thought on the heart condition as I gathered from the stories that this was discovered at autopsy. I’ve heard of a condition called PFO that can kill you unexpectedly during high stress periods. Doesn’t excuse how this particular stressor occurred, just a thought on how some folks have died unexpectedly at stress levels most of us would survive. I don’t have any details on the particular heart condition in this case, just food for thought.
11:16 am on February 7th, 2008
Exactly, my point, who gives 2 shits about legal, when you are protecting your child!! I don’t care, if my child needs protecting, I will do it legally, illegally, right, wrong, drive over them with a car – it doesn’t matter, what ever it takes to keep him safe.
11:22 am on February 7th, 2008
O-kay where are our nurses? Pirelli makes a good point. Can any of you professionals elaborate on this condition? Like Pirelli, I don’t say this excuses the bully and the bully’s parents for not dealing with their lovely child – just curious about this condition.
11:30 am on February 7th, 2008
DeRemus’ aunt, Wendy McCarley, said about four students were especially troublesome for DeRemus. She said she did not know why students picked on him.
“Maybe because he wasn’t into sports, but that was because he had a heart condition,†said McCarley, who described her nephew as “awesome.â€
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She said she and other close friends knew about the heart condition. Others said DeRemus had even talked about it in class.
“He and I talked about the military a lot,†Slavens said. “All his family had been in it, but he couldn’t because of his condition. He accepted it and didn’t let it bother him.â€
~~~~
11:32 am on February 7th, 2008
As am I, I just brought up the fact that the DA is going for this kids weebles as an adult…if that happens then he will be considered responsible for his own actions, his family will not be held accountable. Once an adult, your parents are off the hook for your stupidity.
Why didn’t they stop it? I bet they wish now they would have. But why didn’t his own parents do more than they did? Reporting it to the school can only curb this bully during school hours. What happens before/after school is not the school’s issue. Plus this happened near his own apartment. Apparently this bully had access to him outside of school time. Why didn’t the DeRemus go to LE and file a harrasment complaint, or an assault complaint, or get a restraining order. His parents knew he had a heart condition. What measures did they take to ensure their son’s safety? Complaints to the school were obviously not enough. An assault does not have to be a physical confrontation. A threat to one’s safety verbally is assault. Battery is physical. If this bullying had been ongoing for two years, and the DeRemus family was well aware of it, why did they not do more to intervene? In a perfect world there would be no bullies, unfortunately, we live in a society of deviants, and we must, as parents, do whatever is required of us to ensure our children are not harmed. We can’t depend on the parents of the bully to control their brat. That is a false sense of security. And stupid thinking. It’s a place to start but still not enough.
I’m not trying to bash the DeRemus family. I’m just trying to point out that the safety of our kids starts at home. If my child was being harrassed there is no way I would have allowed this to continue for two days much less two years. Stop for a moment and think about that. What lengths would you have gone to protect your child from a vicious bully that made everyday of your child’s life a living hell? There is no limit for me. I would have done whatever it took.
11:37 am on February 7th, 2008
I thought the heart condition was discovered at autopsy? Can anyone confirm – was the heart condition known before hand or discovered only during the autopsy?
I don’t know – if the bully did know about the heart condition, it only seems to make his actions and his parent’s inactions much worse than before. Also, if the condition was known, I think the parents should have taken a more active role in stopping this harassment – legally or not.
11:38 am on February 7th, 2008
We were talking about this yesterday. Our legal system has picked apart everything SO much that you cannot properly discipline your child with out possibly being called in on abuse charges.
Teachers cannot discipline students, and are downright afraid of them in some cases. The days of my dad can beat up your dad are over because the dad would be in jail.
11:40 am on February 7th, 2008
Post #15 confirms it was well known
the info came from the KC Star
http://tinyurl.com/2cokhx
11:45 am on February 7th, 2008
Thanks ells.
Not to be mean, but so what? I’d take a sentence on simple assault to protect my kid. I’d take a sentence on assault with intent to do bodily harm to protect my kid. Whatever it took!!!!
11:59 am on February 7th, 2008
Ummm…there’s suspension, expulsion, and referral to law enforcement and the court system. My nephew tried to pass off some tylenol or something at school awhile back and was arrested AT SCHOOL, sent to court, and ordered to attend a high school specifically for troublemakers. It’s not like the teachers can not do anything. Most of them are simply too lazy to react.
11:59 am on February 7th, 2008
I would die for my children if need be, don’t misunderstand me. Sadly, they would be better off with me at home than in jail.
The differences between the Beaver Cleaver years, heck even 20 years ago… My friends have really bad luck,or really disrespectful kids. One spanked his daughter for stealing from school. School turned him in for child abuse.He did shock time.
When I was in school, a classmate came in bawling and wouldn’t sit down. Turns out her mother had beaten her with a brush and she couldn’t sit down. They gave her a stool and moved on.
This was in the news about a year ago- A kid took his dads debit card and credit cards- cleaned out accounts and got cash advances. Dad took a belt to the kid…dad got jail for assault.You are not allowed to touch your child with anything but an open hand.
I’m not afraid to discipline my children, because my children have been taught enough respect that they know better. Some kids you just can’t get through to,though. You try to really get through to them and you are the one in trouble.
Political Correctness has killed our abilities to do so much, when if common sense had prevailed in the beginning, we wouldn’t have some of these problems.
If this kid had another friend or older cousin or brother take care of the bully, he would’ve been the one facing trouble.
12:03 pm on February 7th, 2008
Tylenol, and nail clippers, and the kid who was suspended for hugging her friend, the 6 year old who drew a gun-of course they can do things about that. Someone in physical danger… nah.
12:05 pm on February 7th, 2008
Consider, if you will, that in the Beaver Cleaver era… VERY few mothers worked outside the home. It was considered that a woman’s place was at home keeping house and bringing up the children. Mom was home when you left for school and home when you got off the bus. There was no such thing as video games and people had family nights and played cards with the neighbors while the kids played monopoly in the other room. Gangs were unheard of and kids weren’t left to fend for themselves because mom and Dad were both at work, or because single mom was out at the bar looking for the flavor of the week.
THIS is why I stay home. My kids are more important than any damn paycheck!
12:06 pm on February 7th, 2008
Wow. Dakota looks almost exactly my bestfriends 13 yr old son… I had to do a double take! It’s terrible that this boy lost his life because the school wouldn’t step in and do their job. It’s rediculous how little schools do when it comes to the issue of bullying.
When my son started kindergaten last school year, he was being bullied by some older kids on his bus. It was terrible for him. He has ADD, and between that and the bullying, it was having a terrible effect on his school preformance… he was failing kindergarten.
Many times I spoke to the driver about it, but she was rude and basically said that it was out of her hands! WTF? I also spoke to the principle. Instead of them punishing and dealing with the offending children, they had my son switch buses – to a bus for troubled kids that cause too much havoc on the regular bus. I was pissed about it, and so was my son. But, we did it anyway as it seemed to be the only option we had.
Near the end of the school year we moved to a different school district. Things got so much better for him after that. But, because of what happened at the other school, he still ended up having to repeat Kindergarten this year. But, he’s doing very well now. Without the bullies messing with him, he’s able to shine & show his true pontential. He’s had no problems at the new school and is a great student.
I can’t help but feel that if the old school had done more to protect my son that things would have been different for him, and he probably would not be repeating kindergarten. What he went through there was traumatic for him. He still talks about it and it still upsets him. Schools really need to do more to counteract bullying. Kids have always had the ability to be cruel to other kids, but nowadays it’s even worse. The schools tend to sit back and do little or nothing until parents are forced to step in or a child is serevely injured – or worse. It’s bullshit. Being bullied can do alot of damage to a child, emotionally, physically & acedemically.
Sorry for such a long comment… this is just something that really gets under my skin!
12:06 pm on February 7th, 2008
I beg to differ. They can call the police if a student is repeatedly harming or threatening to cause harm to another student.
12:19 pm on February 7th, 2008
In deed, some issues that need to be addressed and changed legally. Parents are expected to be responsible for their kids’ actions – how can they be held accountable if they are not allowed to instruct and correct, when necessary, the actions of their children?
It just doens’t matter to me about the “in trouble” thing. I’m gonna do what I believe is best for my child, whether it be tear his ass up for doing wrong or go to someone else’s ass to keep him safe.
If I get in trouble for keeping my kid safe, then so be it. It would be worth it. A comment was made that your kids would be better off with you at home than in jail – this is true. However, we are not talking 20 years and missing your child grow up. I have hardly ever heard of a sentence greater than 30 days for simple assault and that was after repeated fights. Mostly probation and give ‘em a little money and its over – a small price to pay for your kid to be safe.
Hell, we can’t keep murders and rapists in jail long enough – I don’t think the sentence for whipping someone’s ass over your child would be too much. And certainly not too much to endure to know that your kid was safe.
And just think, what an example we would be setting to our own kids for their future adulthood – you know, protect your kids and teach them right from wrong. I just can’t see not doing anything because someone may smack your hands a little bit. I believe the word is apathy. I will not be apathetic in either direction – correcting my son’s actions (while I can, before he could actually go to the pen) or dealing decisively with someone else to keep my son safe.
Maybe I’m too hard headed for my own good………….
12:23 pm on February 7th, 2008
It’s not like the teachers can not do anything. Most of them are simply too lazy to react.
Whoa…Ashdavus! Don’t paint all teachers with the same brush. Quite often OUR hands are tied because those ABOVE us do not always make the right decisions. As a Junior teacher, I deal with bullying EVERY DAY… I attack it head on, have zero tolerance, I do all I can in terms of contacting parents, principals, etc.
You know where a HUGE part of the problem lies? THE PARENTS. (And yes, I am a mom) I can talk & report til I’m blue in the face, but there are SO many parents out there that will defend their kid, no matter WHAT they’ve done.
How about the bullying TEACHERS endure? Name me another job where someone a third of your age can swear at you, call you names… and very little is done? Would you keep that job? I was called FAT ASS when I was 8 months pregnant. I was tending to a young child’s bloody nose on the playground & had a Gr. 8 know-it-all kid tell me I was “doing it wrong” & was preventing me from treating the injured child (I have First Aid/Cpr training)…I told the Gr. 8 to back off. Guess what? Mommy called the principal, the school superintendent & the GOVERNMENT to report me.
If people who breed would raise their kids with respect, empathy, understanding, morals…this shit would cease to exist!
(crap…dragged that old soapbox out again)
My heart breaks for the deceased kid’s family & I hope they sue him and the little assholes that taped the fight on their cellphone. Every kid that watched that fight & LEFT HIM DYING deserves punishment. No such thing as an “innocent bystander” in this case!
12:25 pm on February 7th, 2008
Well I’m glad you can Ashadavus, not everyone has that luxury.
I don’t think that just because I am a mother that works outside the home, that my child deserves any less protection that someone whose mother can be at home. If that were the case, look at all the jobless welfare mothers that sit home all day and still have delinquent children.
It is a matter of responsible parenting. Teaching your children right from wrong and ALLOWING them to suffer the consequences when they do wrong. Not running to rescue them every time they get into trouble. If they don’t feel the full consequence of their actions, eventually the trouble they get into will escalate until they DO feel the consequence. By then its too late. They may end up being tried for murder like this dumb kid.
12:30 pm on February 7th, 2008
There have been street gangs in the United States since the 1820’s. It wasn’t until street fights turned into shoot outs that it started getting national media.
It is MY personal opinion, that THIS particular school district in question, did not do enough in this case.
If he was making life miserable for someone, then he should have been suspended or expelled.
12:46 pm on February 7th, 2008
Congrats…you are one of the few I have come across who actually does the right thing. It is not my intention to paint all teachers with the same brush. I only comment based on what I and my family members have experienced in multiple school districs in both public AND private schools.
My son is in 7th grade..he has had 3 teachers in 8 years who did not have something wrong with their brains. His first grade teacher singled him out for punishment( including forgetting to include him in LUNCH) while the girls in class were allowed to actually MOON people and hack up his coat with their scissors. I was there and saw it with my own two eyes.
When I went after the principal of the school and told him where the bear shit in the buckwheat, he actually tried to order me to leave the school grounds. I had to remind him that his salary came out of my tax money meaning he works for ME and I would come there whenever I felt like it and stay as long as I damn well pleased and if I saw something I didn’t like I was going to call the state board of education and the press. It is as much my responsibilty to report teachers and faculty abusing kids as it is the other way around.
On the other side of the same coin, it is a responsibility for school officials to ensure the safety of all their students . If that means they have to call the police and have some continous troublemaker taken downtown, then so be it. That’s what all the student handbooks I’ve ever read SAY will happen in cases of harassment. But honestly….how many schools follow through on that one? Only one that I have been involved with. The one my kids are presently enrolled with. Another student kicked my son in the back in art class. The counselor told me they reported it to the police, most likely because I had already told the counselor that I had filed a report with the police involving this boy already. Point though…they did the right thing. Incidentally, the same teacher sent my son to the office once for kicking a stool in anger. When my son complained about it, I simply said “I guess kicking the stool was a bad idea”
12:48 pm on February 7th, 2008
PFO or Patent Foramen Ovale is just a hole in the heart in the septum or the divider, so to speak in our heart, one side is oxygenated blood fresh from circulating through our lungs, the other is unoxygenated blood making it’s way back from traveling through our bodies. This hole normally closes at birth, but if it doesn’t there are many things that can cause troubles. I’ve enclosed the below information:
“If the atrial septum does not close properly, it is called a patent foramen ovale. This type of defect generally works like a flap valve, only opening during certain conditions when there is more pressure inside the chest. This increased pressure occurs when people strain while having a bowel movement, cough, or sneeze.
If the pressure is great enough, blood may travel from the right atrium to the left atrium. If there is a clot or particles in the blood traveling in the right side of the heart, it can cross the PFO, enter the left atrium, and travel out of the heart and to the brain (causing a stroke) or into a coronary artery (causing a heart attack).”
So, being severely punched in the chest and back, if this child had PFO, could yes, have caused his death.
12:50 pm on February 7th, 2008
http://www.clevelandclinic.org/heartcenter/images/guide/disease/congenital/nml_septum.jpg
Image of the heart, showing the septum. Hope this link works.
12:50 pm on February 7th, 2008
It’s a sacrifice more than a luxury. We do without alot and barely get by. After we move, it may be necessary for me to work part time. We have been fortunate enough to be living in small communities where things are much cheaper, but things are changing and the dollar doesn’t go very far anymore.
12:54 pm on February 7th, 2008
Right on!
I agree holding a child responsible for the actions is so important!
I was harassed by 4 boys in 4th grade. On our way home they would pull down my pants (underwear and all). I would leave before them or wait til they left if I could and they would wait for me behind bushes. I was really shy and they would call me gianimal, gianimal can anything stop gianimal (assholes, based after the toy, the animal and commercial in the 80’s), hold me down and put their hands up my shirt. I started not wanting to go to school and would say I was sick. I eventually told my mom she went to the school and talked to the parents. It stopped for a while and then started again. My parents were divorced but when my dad came to visit he handled it his way. He invited 2 of them (brothers) to our house and put them in our cedar chest and sat on top. He told them if they touched me again he would kill them. They both peed their pants in there, and no one bothered me again.
I also had a problem in high school and dad came through again, I was harassed by a group of girls freshman year. he told me to pick up a chair and scream bring it on mother fuckers (his view the girls would think I was a crazy white girl). I did it worked and I got suspended.
If someone picks on my boys and it gets out of hand I will intervene!
12:59 pm on February 7th, 2008
LMAO…Too funny!! When my son was in 1st grade, some kid was calling him names. I told him to point at the kid, look disgusted, and yell “Oh my GOD…your epidermis is showing!” He did as I instructed and got a huge laugh out of it…as did the playground teacher when the brat went to tattle.
1:04 pm on February 7th, 2008
I agree, my husband and I are probably at poverty level. lol After I had my daughter, I made the choice to go part-time at my job. I worked at the hospital at the time, I made decent money, but I was recently divorced, my daughter’s dad wouldn’t pay child support, and let me tell you it was fucking hard. I was poor then. Ramen noodles a lot, but I got to spend more time with my daughter. It was definitely hard, I did with out a lot of shit, to make more time for her. When I remarried I was lucky enough that my husband made enough money where I didn’t have to work at all. Still we were not living high on the hog. Lots of things have changed in the last couple years, I’m now on disability and my husband has taken a different painting job, which pays less money. So…..but I guess my point here is, I can understand those that have to work, I was lucky that I could go part-time with my first child, but damn poor at the same time.
). If my husband would return to his old job, sure we’d have a lot more money, but then he’d be away from the kids, and it just isn’t worth it anymore.
I’m not knocking anyone who wants “nicer” or “better” things. I myself cut my own damn hair, never have had a manicure or pedicure, I drive a used car, shop at yard sales, goodwill and hit all the major store clearance sales (Imma hippie and I live cheap
1:05 pm on February 7th, 2008
I thought it had basically been proven that the bully had access to the kid outside of school. Yes, the school is responsible during school hours – did this not happen before/after school? Was it even the school playground or another playground? Maybe I misread, again.
Yes, the school should have done more after two years of complaints. But, like LL44 stated lots of times their hands are tied. Ultimately, I hold the bully’s parents resposible. Surely, in two years time, they had been notified, repeatedly. Why didn’t they stop their kid. I know we are talking 16 year olds – but it started at 14, if it was going on for 2 years.
I wonder if Howard’s dad wasn’t a bully himself and just thought it was okay? I have thought that from the start. I bet the bully’s dad wishes he had stopped it, now that junior may not be coming home for a very long time, now.
I would be so mad at my kid for intentionally being mean to another person without cause, just to be mean. I would tear his ass up, remove all privileges, everything. He would not be allowed to just make someone else’s life hell. How could the Howard’s not be embarrassed by their son’s behavior and not done anything about it? I don’t mean embarrassed now, but before the tragedy, unless being a bully was acceptable at his home.
1:07 pm on February 7th, 2008
My kids changed schools this year from one private school to another. His teacher last year was the last straw. Kids would make fun of him and she would not step up and say HEY-this isn’t how we act.
In her own way, I feel she picked on him, as well.
The principal did nothing all year, and I complained all year. She sent his science project home and said it wasn’t good enough. We turned it back in exactly the same way. She gave it an F. The judges gave him a blue ribbon and sent it to the high school for the big fair. I pointed this out to the principal and it was changed to a C.
I finally pulled him out of school with 2 weeks to go.
The running thread here is that the kids who are taught to respect and be kind toward others seem to be the ones getting picked on ….
1:10 pm on February 7th, 2008
I dunno Pooh, I guess if the school tells the parents and the parents don’t respond, does it go back to the school?
Do school’s still have the “in loco parentis” thing going on? Where they can act on behalf of the student.
1:10 pm on February 7th, 2008
Yes, the school is accountable for whatever happens during school hours and/or at school events…including on the bus. Whatever happens after the kids get off or before they get on the bus is parent responsibility. This type of behavior can’t be stopped if one party won’t react to the situation. In two years time, I HIGHLY doubt that this was the first time this kid chose to pick on his victim away from school. I have to wonder if they ever contacted LE. I only had to call the police ONCE and then I never saw the creep who was picking on my kids again.
1:14 pm on February 7th, 2008
That is exactly the thing! Yesterday I ripped my 13 year old a new one for saying that when he could drive he was going to run through huge puddles in his car and get people wet. I doubt the parents of some of these bullies would have done that. They probably would have laughed and offered to go along for the ride.
1:17 pm on February 7th, 2008
I worked as a high school teacher in a pretty rough neighbourhood and when fights etc happened off school property, students were still suspended or expelled for it because they couldn’t be in the same building as the victim. The school should have implemented their district’s safe school act/anti-bullying. I’ve seen the police called in to, if only just to scare the bullies off.
1:18 pm on February 7th, 2008
My son’s math teacher ripped up his paper because he had 2 answers written in pen. He told me she also ripped up some girl’s homework for another class. He said everyone hates her and some of the boys call her nasty names.
1:21 pm on February 7th, 2008
If she ripped up my paper I’d call her a nasty name,too. What a rag.
1:23 pm on February 7th, 2008
I am from the opposite end of the spectrum. I was a bully. Not quite to the extent of these stories that make the news, but who knows…I could have easily ended up being this asshole. Also like you hear about, it usually only involved one particular person. In fact, in my lifetime, two people.
I have never been bullied, but it doesn’t mean that I cannot relate to it, especially partaking gin it and now having children of my own.
We can go into all the psychological reasons why someone bullies, but I am here to tell you that in my case, there really wasn’t a reason. I had a personal beef with the two people, and I was an ass about it. I am sure I made their small slice of life that overlapped with mine, extremely aggravating. One I became friends with later in life, the other I have no clue about as we went to different schools later on.
This time frame is also around these kids as well. 6th grade through 9th. I never was an instigator after I got into High School. Too many women to get with to bother with that kind of crap, I guess.
Anyway, I told my kids how to handle a bully in a way that I knew would have stopped me in my tracks. I told them to first notify me. Then I would notify the school (or the parents if it was a neighborhood issue), if it still persisted…I told them to walk up to this individual and punch them square in the nose as hard as they could. It sucks it has to be that way, but it works. Even if my kid got his ass whooped in return, it still would have worked.
Like I was at that time, a lot of kids who bully feed off of a perceived sign of weakness. From my experience, they take the path of least resistance.
1:26 pm on February 7th, 2008
Right, I’d put my foot up my boys ass if he were treating someone that way.
That’s a good one!
1:28 pm on February 7th, 2008
Very good question. I would love to know the answer to that one.
I think they do, but in my experience, they only use it if it serves them personally – (if a trouble maker is intimidating the teacher, then they are “acting in the best interest of the child”). I personally, have never seen it invoked, to truly save a child or to even make an attempt to better the child’s home life.
1:31 pm on February 7th, 2008
They are allowed to instruct and correct when necassary….just not by brutal force or capital punishment
I second that!!!!!
Had they recieved a good butt bustin’ as a kid, perhaps they wouldn’t be in jail as a rapist/murderer but instead a productive member of this website.:)
I totally agree. I have always told my kids that if they are in the right, I’ll defend them to the death, BUT…..if they are in the wrong, may God have mercy on their souls. (Not that I would literally…you know) I defended my oldest son over an ordeal at school where he claimed he was wrongfully punished for defending himself. What started out as a sympathy session from mom ended in a heated conversation with the principal, leading eventually to the truth that placed my son as the instigator, not the defendee. Needless to say, the punishment he recieved from me paled in comparison to what his coach had him do. Not only did he start the altercation but he lied to me. To this day he has never pulled a stunt like that again.
1:38 pm on February 7th, 2008
That approach worked for my brother in the 70’s too. He also slapped a girl that was calling him nasty names and when she told him that a gentleman would never hit a lady he replied “Yes, but you’re no lady.”
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