Monica Gonzales: Like Lori Drew, But Hotter
January 11, 2008 by impqueen
San Antonio - If you piss off urban helicopter parent Monica Gonzales, she will beat you down like the little bitch you are. Or she’ll get one of her kids to do it.
Hearing that her twelve-year-old son had been shoved by a local 14-year-old, kinda hot brunette Monica did not have time to wait for explanations. Neither did she have the patience or long-range planning skills required to enact MyspaceMySpace
revenge. Instead, this fiery babe got her three sons in the car and took ‘em on a little drive to Crazytown.
When Gonzales and her kids spotted the fourteen-year-old who had shoved her baby walking down the street, she did what any concerned parent would do: she cornered the boy with her vehicle, blocking any escape route. Then her oldest son, 21-year-old Jose Gonzales Torres, put the beatdown on the boy with a baseball bat despite the 14-year-old’s protests that there had been no altercation and that the shove was an accident.
When the kid with the shoving problem managed to elude Jose’s ultraviolence swings to his head, he ran home. His parents, in a somewhat more reasonable approach to conflict resolution, called deputy sheriffs to come take the kid’s statement. On seeing the shovey boy’s injuries, officers went to arrest Gonzales and Torres, where Monica was uncooperative. (yathink? I’d never have guessed.)
Monica is in jail on charges of injury to a child and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Jose Gonzales Torres is on the run, probably holed up with his girlfriend, having learned no coping mechanisms or personal responsibility from his mother. (note to Jose: Man up, boyo. If your mama can handle jail, so can you.)
The twelve year old was uninjured, but is pretty sure that nobody will ever mess with him again – at least not while Mama’s alive.
4:28 pm on January 11th, 2008
I’ll drink to that!
4:44 pm on January 11th, 2008
Umm wow she’s a little fucked up huh?
4:54 pm on January 11th, 2008
Deranged Bitch.
Love the drawn on eyebrows.
5:02 pm on January 11th, 2008
Yeah she’s gangsta I see her throwing gang signs in her jail cell. She showed that 14 year old who rolls balls deep!
5:04 pm on January 11th, 2008
Right straight to the top of the idiot list. Congrats, Monica.
5:05 pm on January 11th, 2008
That’s some high-standards she’s teaching her kids.
5:10 pm on January 11th, 2008
Can I borrow a sharpy my eyebrows need touch ups!<
5:11 pm on January 11th, 2008
Oh, no lie. Those are like Psycho Mom Will Jack You Up eyebrows. Right next to “borderline personality disorder” in the dictionary is a picture of those eyebrows.
5:14 pm on January 11th, 2008
tehehee
5:15 pm on January 11th, 2008
lol
5:19 pm on January 11th, 2008
Hahahahahaha. What a bitch. Jesus christ
6:19 pm on January 11th, 2008
Those are definitely some ”chola eyebrows”. She’s in competition with that other chick who faked an essay to get ”Hannah Montana” tickets.
6:53 pm on January 11th, 2008
That’s exactly what I was thinking!
7:36 pm on January 11th, 2008
Dayum! Being a closet chola myself, I gotta give props to the mother of the 14 year old for holding back. I would have gathered my brother and all my primos and tios and put the smack down on that puta and her family.
It would have been like the Univision version of the Hatfields and McCoys!
10:23 pm on January 11th, 2008
What’s with the eyebrows? I think seeing those things coming at him over the steering wheel of the car scared the kid more than the baseball bat beating. In fact, sonny Jose Gonzalez Torrez is not hiding from the police — he’s running away from those eyebrows — seized the first chance in his young baseball-bat-honor-saving-life to get far away from those brows. He didn’t want to beat the kid, but his mother knitted those brows at him. Bent wire brows. Tarantula leg brows.
11:04 pm on January 11th, 2008
Eyebrows
http://www.meojbiz.com/home/appstorage/product/0000000071/Artificial%20eyebrows.jpg
11:10 pm on January 11th, 2008
I’m feeling the EBS-01A’s o’ natural. They say bushier are in style
1:16 am on January 12th, 2008
The left side of her face, in that picture, looks like a different person than the right.
1:22 am on January 12th, 2008
I didn’t notice till you pointed it out. roflmao
1:26 am on January 12th, 2008
Well, then you’ll love this. Here is what happens if you mirror both sides of her face.
1:30 am on January 12th, 2008
Oh shit. Now I need to clean the soda out of the key board. That is priceless. heeheehee
1:41 am on January 12th, 2008
*speechless*
1:45 am on January 12th, 2008
I’m still lmao. That is really funny.
4:12 am on January 12th, 2008
pretty good there with psp lad
That thag whould go in the hall of fame hehe strangely odd difference.
4:13 am on January 12th, 2008
my son said she done her brows that way so you wouldnt notice the lazy eye.
9:20 am on January 12th, 2008
EBS-o5A are my choice.
Don’t even get me started on the lip liner and lipstick.
Suprised we aren’t seeing frosty sky blue eye shadow.
9:23 am on January 12th, 2008
lmao
She’s crafty and got a steady hand though, those eyebrows sure do match even before the manip.
12:09 pm on January 12th, 2008
Face on the left: stupid arrogant bitch.
Face on the right: tense, stupid, arrogant bitch.
She also suffers from anus mouth. The brows are to draw attention away from that.
12:41 pm on January 12th, 2008
Holy crap. Talk about having a good side when having your picture taken. I know people gain weight in different places, but I’ve never seen people gain weight on only one side of their face. Get lypo honey!
1:20 pm on January 12th, 2008
I just want to scrub her damn face with some good old Noxema. She looks so fake.
1:33 pm on January 12th, 2008
The butch and the bitch!
8:05 pm on January 12th, 2008
LMAO
8:07 pm on January 12th, 2008
LOL
all great comments, love that i can express my dark sarcasm here- and get it back threefold
10:50 pm on January 12th, 2008
don’t make your momma take it alone; turn your bad dumbass teenage bat beater have no clue ass in.
yeah i am reachin…
10:58 pm on January 12th, 2008
morbid:
Monica Gonzales: Like Lori Drew, But Hotter
after the photo manip maybe the headline should read
Monica Gonzales: Like Lori Drew, But only half way Hotter depends on which side of her face your viewing
yeah i am stretching it…
I am bored.
11:30 pm on January 12th, 2008
Michelle — you are being funny! Half-way hotter! How about “Lori Drew, but with Eyebrows Drew On?”
12:17 am on January 13th, 2008
You’re on point wrybread! Thanks. Rock on.
10:31 am on January 13th, 2008
I love this. I can just see the poor kid trying to run.
2:39 pm on January 13th, 2008
BUT HOTTER! I just now got this….
Every time I looked at this I swore it said HOT BUTTER and could not for the life of me figure out how Lori Drew, Gonzales and hot butter had in common. I swear I am getting dyslexic in my old age.
3:22 pm on January 13th, 2008
Hot? I think not. Looks like a transvestite. =P
3:40 pm on January 13th, 2008
Ells9824, I dont’ think it was dyslexia. I think your mind just couldn’t process the concept of “hot” with this ugly woman’s photo!
Hot Butter! That’s hilarious.
4:28 pm on January 13th, 2008
All I could think was a knife through hot butter, and how did Lori become a butter knife…. now that I see it correctly I can’t see it the wrong way anymore. Its like those weird old lady,hot chick pictures. What do you see when you look at the dot or whatever.
4:37 pm on January 13th, 2008
To be fair, when I said she was “hotter than Lori Drew” i kind of meant it in a “somewhat less humpy than Quasimodo” kind of way…
i mean, all other issues aside, even *I* am hotter than Lori Drew.
5:00 pm on January 13th, 2008
Things that are hotter than Lori Drew….
Antarctica
Polar Ice caps
Dry Ice
Jack Frost
Ice Cubes
A Deep Freezer
This lady
5:01 pm on January 13th, 2008
where did my picture go…….. =/
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