Houston, TX – The Spring Independent School District in Harris County, Texas, is home to some kind of cute teachers. Cute teachers who want to supplement your child’s income, feel your daughter up in a barn, and give your kids a blowjob they’ll never forget. Where else would you want to send your teenager to get an education?

Alison Mosbeck, Carlos Valencia and Shannon Hrozek are each facing charges of sexual abuse. The each allegedly molested students in multiple, separate incidents. Hrozek and Valencia both taught at Westfield High School in Spring; Mosbeck taught at Dueitt Middle School in the district.

What’s either funny or sad is that all three teachers either committed or were arrested for their crimes this school year. That’s right, friends and demons, this school district managed to have three horny, desperate teachers arrested for molesting their students in a single semester. Now that’s just high achievement, no matter how you slice it.

Alison Mosbeck can’t handle adult relationships, apparently, and felt the need to get romantic with a fourteen-year-old boy. She started the one-year “relationship” by trying to buy drugs from the kid. Way to go, Alison! Outstanding work making thirtysomething women the world over look like complete imbeciles. Everyone knows all the good dealers are in the high school.

Valencia followed an 18-year-old female student he’d been harassing out to a barn on the school grounds, where she was working on an agriculture project. He assaulted the girl on at least two occasions, and yet still manages to not be the sickest person in this article. His victim was at least of age, so he’s a stalker, a sleazebag and probably a rapist, but he’s not a pedophile. Congratulations to him for that, at least. His prize? A cattle prod might be sufficient, if applied repeatedly and at some length by the victim herself.

Oh, and Hrozek? Locked herself in a classroom after school with a sixteen year old boy and proceeded to blow him so enthusiastically that she was totally unaware of the administrator who was using the master key to get in. Nice work to that stupid bitch as well. She’sShe reviews currently on – get this – paid leave from the district. Your tax dollars at work, Texans. And I was raised in Harris County for part of my formative years, so I know how y’all get about your taxes.

The school district sent letters home after at least one incident praising the victim’s courage and assuring the safety of the district to its upset parents. The administration is apologetic, but credits its reporting procedures for helping expose at least one of the teachers.

I kind of think the teachers exposed themselves first. Maybe they oughta keep the form letter by the Xerox machine – there’s a whole semester left in the school year.

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