I know that one of the Ten Commandments is “Thou Shalt Not Steal”, but that didn’t stop Jesus from sending his posse out to jack a jackass. That’s right, it is in the BibleBible reviews and everything. Jesus sent his homies out to steal him a swank sled for his gangsta-ride into Jerusalem. Here’s the text from Luke:

29And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called the mount of Olives, he sent two of his disciples,

30Saying, Go ye into the village over against you; in the which at your entering ye shall find an ass tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring him hither.

31And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose him? thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him.

32And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them.

33And as they were loosing the ass, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the ass?

34And they said, The Lord hath need of him.

35And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the ass, and they set Jesus thereon.

So, when the religious nutcakes give you a hard time for getting your gaming on, give them an East-Coast Arm-CrossCross reviews and tell them that you are gaming like Jesus taught you. And if you ever have to jack a car in real life, and the owner screams, “That is MY car!”, calmly retort, “The Lord hath need of it.”

Hey, maybe Mary Magdalene WAS a hooker. If so, you know Jesus was smart enough to hit her over the head with a baseball-bat and get his cheddar back after a blow-job.